As I have said before, I am pretty private, but my self harm started when I was very young, and I am 24 years old now. I used to cut very small, shallow cuts, almost like a scratch. Now, it is deeper and deeper as time goes on. I have had stitches many times over them and a couple times have stopped with the idea that I could be different, but it wasn't and I now cut deeper then ever. I do it for many reasons, really I don't feel anyone could describe why they truely do it, it just simply helps. I go through each day and pretend to be happy, and act as if nothing is wrong, I go to work with long sleeves and deal with a lot of addicts coming down from their addictions, suicidal people who need 1:1 watch until a psych bed opens for them, and than in the same unit, people who fight for their lives every day, but I feel for those wanting to give their life up because I am there too, but it is still my job to protect them, but I still get by just because that blade against my skin helps me be numb. I have so many problems that very few know about and I know suicide will be in my future also, it's just a matter of when. Til then, I'll hold my blade tighter than ever.