My blade, my life.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Cutthepainaway, Sep 30, 2013.

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  1. As I have said before, I am pretty private, but my self harm started when I was very young, and I am 24 years old now. I used to cut very small, shallow cuts, almost like a scratch. Now, it is deeper and deeper as time goes on. I have had stitches many times over them and a couple times have stopped with the idea that I could be different, but it wasn't and I now cut deeper then ever. I do it for many reasons, really I don't feel anyone could describe why they truely do it, it just simply helps. I go through each day and pretend to be happy, and act as if nothing is wrong, I go to work with long sleeves and deal with a lot of addicts coming down from their addictions, suicidal people who need 1:1 watch until a psych bed opens for them, and than in the same unit, people who fight for their lives every day, but I feel for those wanting to give their life up because I am there too, but it is still my job to protect them, but I still get by just because that blade against my skin helps me be numb. I have so many problems that very few know about and I know suicide will be in my future also, it's just a matter of when. Til then, I'll hold my blade tighter than ever.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Instead of holding that blade hun reach out and hold onto someone you trust to help you cope without that self harm I am sorry you are in so much pain
     
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