I was just diagnosed with a condition called premature ovarian failure. Basically, I'm hitting menopause while I'm still in my twenties. This has, naturally, been pretty tough on my self-image. I'm terrified that the lack of estrogen in my body is going to make me look old and ugly. The hot flashes are unbearable, as is the hair loss. I feel disgusting and deformed. The condition puts you at risk for heart and eye problems, too--just to rub salt in the wound. It sort of feels like my body's decaying. No one in my life understands. They all think I'm overreacting; they're much more annoyed than sympathetic. I swear, if I hear, "You're lucky you're hitting menopause! You don't have to deal with periods anymore!" one more effing time, I'm going to punch a b****. I don't really want to die, but I feel like my body's backed my into a corner. I don't think I can handle living with this condition. I think about killing myself almost constantly. I often find myself doing dangerous things. If I need to cross the street, I don't look before I walk. I drink lots of alcohol. Sometimes I just lose it and start cutting, biting, and punching myself. It feels so good to punish my body for doing this to me, but I'm afraid that one day I'll go too far. Deep down, I know I'd rather exist than not exist. I want to talk to a psychiatrist about this, but I feel like I can't. I've heard that the first thing they do when they hear about suicidal thoughts is Baker Act you. I really don't know what to do. I want to feel better about myself. I want to be normal again.