I would like to preface this by saying that I am not suicidal. I was just thinking about my future and I dont see anything out there that makes me say, yeah I can't wait for that day. My future consists of work, more work, being alone and that's it. Oh I know, there are things in the distant future. Kids will get married one day, maybe I'll live long enough to be a grandpa, stuff like that. I'm talking big things. People plan for and then look forward to their vacations. People plan for and look forward to all kinds of things. Birthdays, Holidays, reunions, etc. I have nothing like that. With the divorce, the birthdays will be akward, and the holidays will be spent alone. I am so tired, and lonely and pathetic. Now I know I can't see into the future, but right now, the future looks bleak. The only things I get to look forward to are, severe weather events, an occasional tv show or movie, getting drunk, masturbating with one of my toys, the kids coming over for 4 days out of a month, and my video games. Oh and cleaning out the litter box! lol I do have responsibilites. I have to work for my kids to have insurance, pay the child support etc. But my life has become so empty, void of anything really. My meals consist of Swanson Hungry Man dinners or Chef Boyardee. My favorite time of day is when I go to bed. I hardly shower during the weekdays anymore. I put up the great front to appear so strong for the people in my life, namely my kids, guys at AA, my landlord, my coworkers. But inside, there is a man, who is lost, in despair, and utterly pissed at himself for having just thrown away everything. You guys dont need to respond to this post if you dont want to. I am not worth it anyway.