My boyfriend *bit of a rant i guess*

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by JBird, Dec 16, 2007.

  1. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    My boyfriend has saved me, i only met him a month and a half ago but he's amazing.

    I met him at a CLIC in Bristol that supports patients and the family of patients who are going through a bone marrow transplant. I was about ready to give up because i genuinly thought i had nothing to live for but then he came along and coaxed me out of bed and into the CLIC playground, he helped me think things through and made me realise that at 14 i have what i've always wanted and thats family and friends, i've never had a real family and friends. From the minute i was born til 10 years old i was hurt a lot by my parents so went into foster care, i've been depressed and harming because i thought i'd never have a family but Lizzie came along, she became my best friend and my 'virtual' mum, she even provided me with a 'virtual' sister and 3 aunts, i didn't realise until i spoke with Chris that actually i have family, it's just not your normal family.

    Anyway, he's made me realise a lot of things so i was amazingly comfortable with what might happen in the future, i've got my funeral planned and i've got a million and one things planned for when i get better.

    Getting to over 50 days leukaemia free we thought he was free for good but a couple days later we were told he'd relapsed and there was nothing more they can do. I love him, i love him as much as a 14 year old can love someone and i don't want him to go. He's only got aproximately 2 weeks left, he's aiming to be around for christmas, either way i'm never going to be able to touch him again. I'm in isolation and only immediate family and hospital staff are allowed in my room and he's too ill to travel the 3 and a bit hours to the hospital so i have to say my goodbye on the phone.

    I don't even know why i'm posting this tbh i just needed to get this out, the only people that know about me and my boyfriend is his family and my dad but dads never about and i don't feel comfortable talking to him anyway.


    x Beak x
  2. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    You are a very strong and sensitive young lady. I wish other would take example on you. After all you've been through and still going through, you are capable of caring, loving and showing it openly which is amazing. I don't know anyone with such inner strenght and positive qualities. It makes me sad to know you have leukemia yet perhaps it was life's way or God's way
    for you to discover such wonderful things in you. I wish there was something
    I could say or do to ease the pain of loosing your friend, he seems to be such a thoughtful person. I can only wish you both what best life and love has to offer and to live it up to the end at its fullest. Dear, you can't see him yet he is a phone call away. Do call him often and talk to him. Share your new found inner strenght and pass him some. I am sure he will appreciate your calls and hold them dear to his heart as you will.

    my very best wishes to you

    granny :hug:

    p.s. good luck for the transplant on monday hun
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2007
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    hey if you need someone to talk to, im willing to listen, feel free to PM me ANYTIME!:smile:
  4. lost_soul

    lost_soul Staff Alumni


    you know where i am all the time hun,
    take care XXX
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh Beak am so sorry :hug:
  6. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    thanks for your replies.

    It was always a possibility it would come back and i was prepared for it until i found out that i'm not going to be able to see him again. If he was well enough to come the only way i'd be able to see him is looking at him through the window because he's not allowed into the ward at all.

    We've done it before, there's a hill level with my window and he walked up it once just to show me the present he'd got me. I just wish i could be with him one last time.
  7. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Dear, if you do ask special permission to your parents and the doctor that has you in charge there, explaining to them how important it is to YOU to have this opportunity to see him, they might just review their decision and let it pass for once. It doesn't cost nothing to ask..... do ask hun.

    My prayers are with you as always.

    p.s. wont see you in chat so i'll ask here. will they let you have the laptop in the quaranteen, isolation, room?

    granny :hug:
  8. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    there won't be any allowances because of how delicate all the patients conditions are they can't risk any infections coming into the ward and also my bf is worse off than us in the ward so for his own sake he can't come in.
    yer i'm allowed anything i want in my isolation room, i got my laptop and phone (which i'm now allowed the use).
  9. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    Chris (my bf) passed away 22/12/2007 at 5:57
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    :sad: :hug:
  11. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :cry:

    Stay strong, hun....
  12. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member


    :sad: Stay strong, Birdy, I'm around if you want to talk. :hug:
  13. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    thanks for your replies. just feeling numb to be honest. not sad, not happy, not relieved...just tired.
  14. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    This is a very sad story. RIP Chris. He sounded like a great bloke, and the memories will never die. Stay strong