I'm 24. My boyfriend passed away recently. He had a failing heart and has been in and out of the hospital for as long as I've known him. I've known him since we were 6 and we've been together since we were 13. 5 months before he died, we moved in to a place together and things were going perfect. I never felt so happy in my life. We were planning to get married as well. I feel so lonely now. I can't stop crying and I can't live any longer. I don't believe in heaven or spirituality, I know I won't be able to talk to him. I will never see him again. I have no one to reach out to. Everytime I go to bed is when the pain is the worst. He always wrapped his arms around me the same way everynight. Now I have this lonely painful feeling in my chest and I can't sleep at all. He was there for me always, when my parents neglected me and he was my shoulder to cry on. I grew up in a abusive family and he was the only one who was there to support me. His family held the funeral but I didn't go. I just couldn't. Because of this, they don't want to talk to me. I didn't go cause it was way too painful, but his mother won't answer my calls. I miss him so much. He was everything to me. I have nothing left. I just want to die already. Thinking about suicide gives me a great feeling of relief. I'm very scared, I don't know what to do!