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My boyfriend has Agoraphobia

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by twoasone, Sep 18, 2009.

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  1. twoasone

    twoasone New Member

    I met my b/f 8 years ago. He told me he had Agoraphobia, severe panic disorder and depression. At the time I didn't really understand what Agoraphobia was only that he couldn't go anywhere far from his home and when he did he had severe panic attacks. Over the months I fell in love with him and his problem didn't seem to bother me and I figured I could deal with it. It's been 8 years of HELL. I'm 46 now and I have basically become a hermit along with him. All my life I have suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder, Severe Depression and PTSD. Everyday is a struggle to go on, he also has severe depression and when we both are depressed and thinking of suicide it become unbearable. I want to do more with my life then just sit in the house and think of killing myself. BUT I CAN'T. He can't go but only 500 feet from our house. He's able to work only because the McDonald's is just down the street. He only makes enough to pay child support and pay a little of our bills. If he loses this job were screwed because he's not able to make it anywhere else to get a job. On Holidays (ie: Thanksgiving, Christmas) he can't go to his family or my family's house so we sit at home alone or I go by myself while he stays home. We never go anywhere. He has a fear of cars and refuses to get in them so even if he got better we couldn't go anywhere anyways. If we need anything from the stores like groceries, etc. I do it all by myself. I'm so tired of being by myself when I go out, I want and NEED to be with someone. I don't want to leave him because I do love him, but I feel if I continue to stay I'm going to die. We've tried to get mental help for him through NAMI and our local Mental Health people but NO ONE WILL COME TO HIM. They don't understand that he CAN'T GO TO THEM. He's taking my depression medication to help him so he's no so manic, but that also means that I'm not taking it for me. I lie to my physcologist telling them that I'm taking my meds just so I can continue to get them for him. I know it's against the law but he needs them more then I do. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. He's told me that if I leave him he will die. Financially we can't live without each other but emotionally we can't live with each other. Can someone please help me. Any suggestions?????? :confused:
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    I'm sorry to hear that and I know how difficult it is. I am in the exact same situation as he is in. I cannot leave my house, mental health services just dont get it, that I can't go to them. The best chance you have I think, is to save up and pay a private doctor to come and visit him, or even a therapist. please don't give up hope, agoraphobia can be treated successfully :hug:
  3. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    You need to leave. You have tried everything and nothing is working, he is draining you emotionally when you have your own problems to deal with. It will be the hardest thing to do when you know it will not help him but you need to take care of yourself.
  4. twoasone

    twoasone New Member

    Thank you for that advice. I really don't want to leave him because it's not his fault that he has this disease. All his life he has had women leave him because they can't handle the fact that he can't go anywhere and I don't want to be one of those women. Finding professional help is extremely difficult because neither one of us make enough money. We struggle as it is just to pay our bills. I honestly don't know what I want when it comes to our life. I know I don't want to continue the way I'm living but I can't leave him either. Irishdoll how do you handle your relationships with Agoraphobia?
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi again :hug:

    I don't have any relationships because of this. I was able to go out for a couple of months last year/early this year (bear in mind that I had spent four entire years without even going outside even once before that,so it can be done :) ). That was because I had managed to get a doctor to prescribe me xanax pills, they are benzodiazepines and are absolutely amazing for people that have anxiety that severe. It might help if you went and spoke to a doctor about his issue and see what can be done? Look into every mental health service in your area, give them a ring, see if they have any advice. Go to a library,search for self help books on agoraphobia.
    I know how daunting and depressing it is to stay inside every single day, he and you both deserve to get this help, so please do not give up. Good luck
  6. blueman

    blueman Well-Known Member

    I have severe depression, and at one point it was difficult to go out the house without feelings cold and hot rushes, panic attacks like everyone's watching. I live in a very local area of Hong Kong and I'm the only westerner, so that doesn't help either!
    I've taken Xanax before but that made me feel sleepy, so now I'm on Lorazepam, it has done me a lot of good and I feel more able to walk out without that feeling that I'm being watched, I don't get the panic attacks either at all now!
    Benzodiazepines are a wonderful (relatively new) drug which work for a lot of people.
    Ask your doctor about them and stick to which is best for you.
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