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my boyfriend is suicidal

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Chia, Jul 3, 2015.

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  1. Chia

    Chia Member

    Hello. My name is Chia and I created an account because I hope to get helpful advice. Maybe talking to someone about it would already be helpful enough. Over a year ago I met someone online. The main reason why I messaged him was that telling from his posts, he seemed very sad and lonely. It didn't take us long to become friends, we had so many things in common. After a couple of months we met up, in spite of the distance - and things went very well. To sum it up, we're in a relationship (long distance relationship, unfortunately) and I love him very much.
    Lately he hasn't been quite himself and confessed that he's been thinking about taking his own life again. He has been suffering from depression for several years now. Due to various reasons, he never sought professional help. He's a very sensitive and introverted person. He tends to hate himself at times. Although he keeps mentioning that he sometimes feels like he's a burden to me, he usually is honest with me and tells me about his feelings. I'm the only one who knows how ill he is.

    A while ago he told me that if it wasn't for me, he would already be dead... and that even now, I'm his most important reason to stay alive, and that without me, all his other reasons would be meaningless. This, to be honest, shocked me. I don't know how to handle this responsibility, it scares me so much and I believe it's too much for me to carry. What if I mess something up, what if I'm not able to find the right words and convincing enough arguments to keep him from killing himself ?

    I'd do everything I can to help and support him, but some of his problems are far beyond my control. His family wants him to dedicate his life to a job he hates and they spent a lot of money on his education, although he had told them right away that he doesn't want it at all and would prefer to study something else. I know I'm in no position to judge others and his family are good people, but they don't treat him well. Moreover, they taught him that it's his duty to please them and, according to him, they never really cared about what he thinks.
    Of course, this is not the only reason why he's depressed, but this issue makes it hard for him to see a better future.

    All I want is to help him and to be there for him, but I'm more than 5000 miles away from where he lives and we can't afford to meet each other often. Even if we did, I'm not sure that I would not know what to do. I've tried to help him see other reasons to stay alive, but then there are days when he blocks everything out and sees nothing but hopelessness and tells me that he's in so much pain and that it's so terribly hard for him. I'm very worried about him...
  2. Neo28

    Neo28 Member

    I'm new to this forum, but I have had a lifetime of dealing with issues similar to what your boyfriend is going through. If nothing else happens, I would recommend you try and get your boyfriend to talk to a professional of some sort (psychiatrists, therapist, doctor). If he is worried about his family knowing his reasons behind it, then start with his family doctor and say that it is for other reasons (physical, etc.). He sounds like he is severely depressed and if it is not situational, then it is probably not going to magically fix itself so he needs professional help. He is lucky to be involved with someone like you that cares enough to reach out for help, now if you can just get him to do the same for himself.
  3. Everymedhasfailed

    Everymedhasfailed Active Member

    Hey Chia...

    I hope that you yourself are dealing with this situation as best as you can. Supporting other is difficult and if you are not fully yourself, the task is even harder.

    With that said, let him know that he is not alone in his feelings and while not completely normal, it is UNDERSTANDABLE... everyone has their trials and tests in this life and they serve to make us stronger.

    The one phrase that helped me the most through my 12 years of depression, self harm and suicide attempts came from the movie 'the perks of being a wallflower' and it helped me more than any therapy ever has.

    'We cannot choose where we start from, we can only choose where we go from there'

    To me this means that despite whatever has happened in a persons past, their mental health problems or their difficulties going forward, life is a choice, and to choose it means to live, experience and become better than who you were.

    Feel free to pm me if you would like perspective on why I am 'qualified' to talk about this.

    Stay safe, be well and the best of luck x
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