My boyfriend wants to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Malan, May 15, 2014.

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  1. Malan

    Malan New Member

    (I'm sorry if this is in wrong forum. If it is, please tell me where I should post this instead)

    I just don't know what to do anymore!:(
    The person I love is constantly talking about killing himself, and that he don't want to get help. And I can't even help him at all, because we live in different countries with about 8000 kilometers apart, and I'm afraid I can't afford a trip there very soon.

    He has been like this for months. He was talking normal things before, but suddenly he changed and started to talk about wanting to die.
    We are in contact daily, but he's always only talking about dying. I have asked if he has a reason, but usually he only answers "I don't know". Sometimes he says things like "I'm so tired of living", "I find my life boring", "I can't do this anymore", "I hate myself", "I'm so stupid and I'm even making you sad".

    He used to say really nice things to me and I somehow thought it was too good to be true (we have met before, but only as friends. He confessed to me later, so we haven't actually met as a couple, but I still think of him as my boyfriend.....). But, recently he doesn't say those things anymore. He is also saying that it would be better if I stopped liking him, because he can't make me happy. I asked if he still likes me, and apparently he does, but still wants to die.

    I can't know for sure if he is completely serious about killing himself, or how he would do it, but I'm so scared he will and I can't do anything for him. I know it's not really my fault, but I'd still feel like it was, because he used to say things like he wants to see me soon, or that he will get better if he sees me, but now he says he won't get better and all he can think about is death,

    He also has been suffering insomnia for a few years, and I think that might have something to do with him feeling like this. But I can't help but think I'm also at fault. He said he had those feelings even before we met, but what if he actually started to feel like this because we can't meet that often...I'm also afraid I may have said something stupid to make him feel even worse.

    He said he hasn't told about those feelings to anyone but me, and that he won't either. He is saying that nobody would care, but I know that's not true. BUT I don't even know how to get in contact with his friends or family, so I can't really tell anyone. Well, I do know his address, and he still lives with his parents, so I'm even thinking about writing a letter to his family (I only know the surname though), but I'm afraid he will see the letter...
    I also know one guy on facebook (his friend), but he lives in different city in that country and I'm not sure if they are good friends or not, so I don't know if he could really help, and I'm afraid that my boyfriend will get mad if he knows I told someone.

    I know he still talks to other people normally, and he also has many things he likes. I think he is still afraid of dying, maybe because recently he had very bad headache and went to see a doctor about it. So I think he is still at least a little concerned about his health.

    Anyway, he is always saying he doesn't want help, and that his feelings won't change. BUT, I still think he actually wants help, because he is telling those things to me. And also because he has been like this for a long time already, but hasn't done anything yet. I'm afraid he's already at his limits, but I can't help him. Or at least I can't find any way to help him, and I feel that if he kills himself, I was the only person who could have helped, but failed. I have told him he can always talk to me about his feelings and that I'm worried and that he is very important to me, but he just won't listen...
    And actually I'm also had thoughts about wanting to die, but not so serious I would really kill myself. But I have no idea how I'll feel if I lose him now...

    If anyone has any advice, I'd be very thankful. I'm also sorry that this text probably has some mistakes (English is not my first language) and may be missing some things...
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    stay upbeat for him.
    you do not meet often so it is online and such? what kind of things do you usually do together?
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    if your bf is UK based I recommend letting him know about Calmzone as they have a phone line just for men, if he is not uk based refer him to the website as there is a lot of good info for men and above all he can see that he isnt alone, and it offers great advice on talking about these issues as a man, which might help him talk it through with you or at least a doctor

    take care,

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