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My boyfriend's brain damage...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThePhantomLady, Feb 21, 2016.

  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Firstly. Gah. It's so hard to type without using my right hand...

    Secondly... I feel a bit bad for even needing to make this rant.

    My LDR boyfriend is the best thing that ever happened to me. He's treating me with so much respect and yet we have so much fun. I feel so free with him.

    But... he's brain damaged. And he has PTSD. (I was actually the one who saw that and sent him off to get help, 15 years too late...). When he was 14 years old he had a very bad biking accident and was put in artificial coma so his body could recover... but this being 14 years ago they kept him under for too long and his brain is now damaged both from the fact that he landed on his head and the coma...

    He can't do more than one thing at a time, he forgets things really easily unless he writes it down... and worst of all for 15 years he couldn't say a word. He had gotten aphasia. Luckily he could still write and his only ways of communication was sticky notes and online... (which was also why he joined that dating chat where we met 18 months ago). I think it was a year before we met he got his speech back somewhat. (the brain is amazing like that!) But he talks a bit slow and sometimes says a wrong word... especially if he's stressed. The two times he's had a panic attack while we chatted he doesn't make sense. He mixes Dutch and English (which makes me so happy I am learning Dutch) and yeah, you pretty much have to guess what he means.

    I am always so afraid of doing the wrong thing with him. I know he's very self-conscious about it, while on most days I don't even notice it. I'm used to his voice being a bit raspy, him coughing a lot and I try not to giggle if he makes funny mistakes. (like the first time we talked on skype and he accidentally said "My wife cut my hair" because he forgot to say 'My brothers wife'.
    He get's really upset if he forgets things, especially about me... when in truth he remembers so many details about me.

    This weekend he remembered the wrong day of when my best friend is coming to visit, and I saw him kick himself for it. I keep telling him it's okay.
    But yesterday I had a bit of a scare... He was very tired and suddenly out of the blue he started talking so very, very slow. He struggled to remember simple words.

    I let him talk, I let him finish his sentences, and tried to act natural... but it scared me so much. I can't deny that.

    Tonight we had a talk over the cam as well, he was so tired too, but he didn't have an episode, thank goodness.

    I want to add that I don't mind it, it was never a problem for me to have a 'brain damaged boyfriend'. He's just my boyfriend. He's a very capable man in his own right.

    But yeah... I hate that I got so scared. and I hate that I fear doing the wrong thing... he's been hurt in the past.
  2. Fluffypingu

    Fluffypingu Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm so so sorry that your bf has brain damage hugs hun
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    So sorry to hear about your BF. Have you ever met in person? You are right. The brain is an amazing thing. He really has not been talking again for very long. I suspect things will improve as he practices more and more. You are an angel for being so patient with him! Hopefully he can be as patient with himself.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Thanks. I hope he can too!

    We haven't met yet but we're planning to. But we're both broke and we both have issues to deal with first... he needed a long time to get over his ex and what she did to him. But we're moving closer. I can't wait!

    I know it's a long time without having met... but I needed time too. trusting a man isn't something I can just do at a snap of a finger... I needed to learn to trust him first. But yeah... now I just wish he was here so I could be close to him.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi TPL, I am so sorry to hear about your boyfriends brain damage and coma, I was in a coma myself in 2011 thankfully I did not suffer from brain damage. If he's slow to talk, mixes up his words and sentences, just act natural like you are doing already, he doesn't know how much of an awesome girlfriend he has or maybe he does :) Just be ''there'' for him and make sure he knows how much you love and adore him, acting naturally when he slips up will put him at ease hopefully. When do you plan on meeting up in real life?
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear about your coma too, Petal, I hope you're okay now. I'm happy you didn't get any brain damage!

    I'm trying to do just that, because it's not a big deal in a way. I just get worried for him, if that makes sense...
    He does very often tell me he's happy to have me, so I hope he means that!

    We haven't got any concrete plans yet, but he's saving cash already. He wants to move up here for some reason... while I'd rather move down there... He's got a lovely family, it would make so much more sense... but yeah. We're working on it.
  7. neuroticism

    neuroticism Member

    It sucks that he has brain damage but you guys might not have met if it wasn't for it. Not at all in any way saying it is a good thing that he is brain damaged but it makes him who he is, the man you love.
  8. neuroticism

    neuroticism Member

    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  9. Persephone2

    Persephone2 Active Member

    No one is ever perfect. We're all damaged in some way. What matters is that you both care about each other and try to be kind and supportive of each other. It sounds like you both do. Keep doing what you're doing. ;)
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  10. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter