My BPD has cost me everything.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by twiztid_angel981, Nov 17, 2007.

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  1. I have BPD. Bi-Polar 2. Severe Anxiety. But the BPD has cost me everything. Thanks Dad. Thanks Mom. All the times you left me alone and forgot to find me. Now I can't find me either. It has cost me 2 marriages at age 26 only. Several friendships. Several Jobs. I've started over from nothing 3 times. I've lost it all emotionally several times. Only to find myself...and not liking who I am when I get there I try to end it.

    Welcome to my lost lonely little me world.
  2. Harrowdown

    Harrowdown Well-Known Member

    can i ask what happened with your parents?
  3. lulu rose

    lulu rose Guest

    If you can go into more detail, pelase do. If you dont want to because its too painful. Thats fine. I just want you to know that I actually do know what you're feeling (see my post about my BPD ruining the best thing I had)

    though my story is smaller than yours, the things you've listed are bigger.

    I dont know what to say. I know that people saying "you're not useless" e.c.t doesn't help, or people comparing you to themselves, also doesn't help, so I wont do any of that. All I'll do is let you know that I really empathise with you.

    Are you getting any therapy or medication at all?
  4. I'm on several meds. I take Lamictal to stabilize my moods and Xanax for anxiety and Restoril to sleep. I also take Lexapro for depression.

    What happened with my parents.... My biological father walked out on my mom when I was 6 months old. I never saw him or even knew he was my father for a really long time I met him at 17 and he's been in and out of my life depending on his alcohol consumptions. At this point he is back out because he can't handle that I am "sick". My mother was on marriage number 3...who I knew as my dad when she cheated on him and he left her...and me...I was 10...I felt lost and alone and didn't understand why my "daddy" didn't want me anymore...that's when my mom told me he wasn't my dad...that my biological if that wasn't traumatic enough...the man she cheated with moved in with us and was 100 times more abusive than my adoptive father... She's on marriage number 5 now..and after falling in love with the different men she strung thru my life..I didn't know how to act toward guys in highschool...I had one serious boyfriend and my mom always called me a slut...I met my first husband and in may of 2000 and married him in september of 2000...I wanted away from my mom and he was my way out. I wasn't faithful to him at all ever and it cost me a really great guy....two serious relationships and about 5 years later I was on marriage number two....I have NEVER in my life had a guy stay with me for more than 2's like at that 2 year mark they run screaming because they can't handle my "need"....Ugh... I could go on and on...I hope that answered your question...:mellow:
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