My Brain is Annoying Me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, Feb 22, 2015.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I have been doing pretty poorly in everything in these past months since my cat died. I drink too much, I do not workout, I do not do anything that I should be doing. I just lie around doing nothing and I am not sure why to be honest. I know that my poor health will contribute to such things. However, I just do not know what to do most days that I end up like this. I am also wasting a lot of time thinking about things as well.

    One thing that has been bothering me for a while is the fact that I do not think I know how to form meaningful relationships. I have noticed this over the past couple of years. Back in the day I would be able to meet people on the various different forums I went too with no real problem. I would be able to make friends with them and have some kind of regular communication. Most were even kind enough to tell me when they were done with the forum and would tell me how to contact them using other means. The last time that happened was over 5 years ago. Now the places I go to on the net are the same in real life. I feel like I am more or less just intruding upon the lives of the people there. I have no idea what it means to be a friend. To be honest I find having to deal with people to be annoying. Even more so I have no idea what it means to be a significant other. Again my observations have shown that there is only one benefit to such a thing.

    Which confuses me from time to time since there are people out there who know everyone and are friends with everyone and go through potential mates like they go through water. True enough from time to time this bothers me. I am not bitter about them at least they value human beings in the real world. To me people have uses and that is it. A friend might be able to buy me food or pay the rent. A significant other will release hormones that can only be released by other people. At the same time I cannot offer them anything that they might want. I am boring, lazy, stupid, not attractive. In all reality I know that people are much better off alone than with me. The worst part is the fact that I have even tried to imitate successful people.

    This is one thing that I kind of regret doing. I took some time and tried to imitate the people who are very successful. I tried grooming myself, smiling, being out going all that stuff. Yet for some reason my results were the same. I put a great deal of time and effort into that stuff and it got me nothing but a hole in my wallet and almost a year of my life lost. It is no wonder that I ever returned to my current state. Even trying to be out going did not work for me. Which is something that leads me to believe there is something fundamentally wrong with me.

    I am not sure why so many people out there seem to enjoy lying to me. The people who have been forced to interact with me for extended periods of time will tell me that I am good looking, smart, funny, interesting and all that jazz. Yet they are all at a loss when they see how I have no other people in my life except them. They are also a part of my life because of circumstances. Whether they share parents with me or I am forced to work on long term projects with them at work/school. They all seem to only find these traits in me after an extended period of time. They are all dumbfounded by the fact that I am alone all the time. Even better they force themselves to not see any reason why I should not be swimming in people because I am so awesome in their eyes.

    I do not know... I just felt like babbling. All this depression since my cat died has made me want to sleep more. Sadly I have to become conscious because I am finding that sleeping for 10 to 14 hours gives me back pains. So I need to kill time while those pains go away. Maybe I just need to go out and get a nice shot of Oxytocin to go along with the endorphins that are released from exercise. I do justify to myself that not remember the effects of mixing those two hormones is a good thing. At the same time I cannot help but wonder if my lack of that hormone cocktail is what I need in my life to feel happy or see the world differently. I mean I know that the only way I am going to get such a thing is to buy it and I am not really willing to put forth the cost in time or cash to get it. Oh well, I will just have to continue to hope that some female will come rescue me. I know that no female that is worth it will put forth the effort, but I guess I can pretend.
  2. kristellechou

    kristellechou Well-Known Member

    That's basically how I feel; it's like you've just penned things I haven't been able to.

    I, however, don't agree about no woman who is worth it will make an effort.

    Sorry about your cat, by the way.
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    It was not easy putting those things into words, this has been bothering me for at least a week.

    What I meant about females is that a good female is going to have plenty of potential mates. Why would she waste her effort trying to convince me to be her mate when she has plenty of other potential mates willing to show off how great of a mate they are?
  4. kristellechou

    kristellechou Well-Known Member

    I sure hope that's not true. I'm smart and, (i'm ok to say this now) pretty and just this last week, i begged a man to be with me. Self-esteem issues like Prinnctopher's Belt said on my thread.

    So, it's been a bad week for more than just little old me.
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I guess that our experiences are different. Then again I am not what you would call handsome. I am pretty sure that it is much easier for females to ignore me or shrug off my lack of affection.
  6. kristellechou

    kristellechou Well-Known Member

    But, see, doesn't knowing there's someone somewhere who will do that mean that there could be someone who will do that for you?

    it's weird that I'm saying this because I'm in a funk, myself and can't pull myself out of it. But you know what I mean, right?
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am not a fan of the "Somewhere out there" ideas in life. I see such ideas as ways to make the unappealing feel better about how unappealing they are. Such ideas give these people a false hope that is slowly chipped away at everytime someone else has a date, significant other, fling, affair, wedding, etc. Then again my experience with people who use the "Somewhere out there" idea is that they have more potential friends and mates in one short month than I will in a lifetime. I guess it makes those people feel better about how much they have as well.

    Still I doubt there is a female out there who is going try and be with me. That would require her to actually put effort forth beyond deciding if she wants to go out with me. It would involve her having to wrestle a phone number out of me. Then call me and try and convince me she is not just looking for a free meal. She would also have to keep me sexually satisfied as she slowly tries to convince me that what she is doing is not an act. You know until some other guy comes along throws a few nice words at her and she leaves. I know where I stand, I am ugly and even worse I am boring. Those two facts alone are enough to kill a female's sex drive. Add on my bitterness and overall lack of trust of females. No female is going to waste her time with a male who is not going to do any of the heavy lifting.
  8. kristellechou

    kristellechou Well-Known Member

    Overall lack of trust in females?
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    What about it?
  10. kristellechou

    kristellechou Well-Known Member

    What's up with that?