My bro checked out 8 mo.ago this thurs...

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by 12barblues, Dec 17, 2007.

  1. 12barblues

    12barblues Member

    Hi everybody,

    My name is mike. I posted a thread in intro's and then saw that this area of the forum might be the more appropriate place for me.(?) big brother killed himself 8 months ago this thurs. (april 20th). Although the day doesn't make a difference (for me) it hurts as much as any other day. He left behind 2 beautiful kids, a widow who is still in shock, and a family that is confused and guilty.

    I have so much to say...but's that's all I can do right now:sad:

    Thanks for listening, mike
  2. *hugs tightly* people who commit suicide are often too ill to be able to see how their death will affect those around them, and im just sorry that you and others are suffering so much. one thing i have heard helps is to write a letter to the person who did it, including any anger or bitter feelings (which are completely normal) and how they have made you feel, then burn it, and then write out a letter about how much you loved and still do love them, and everything you miss about them, and if you can, keep it, and read it when you feel strong enough.
  3. 12barblues

    12barblues Member

    Thanks you Katy for the kind words and thoughts. I have been working on the first type of letter you mentioned and i think burning it sounds like a good form of closure, of a type anyway.
    The other thing that I haven't been able to do yet but am trying to find the strength for is making a scrapbook of stories and pics for my neice and nephew for when they are older.
    Thanks for taking the time to write me! Mike
  4. Only1?

    Only1? Active Member

    Hi, I know exactly how you are feeling. I think I am only just starting to deal with it properly though. If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to send me a pm. Take care and good luck with the letters, I just might try that too :smile:
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Give yourself time. It is understandable why you are unable to do some of the things you have set out to do. The time will come when you can and the memories, though bittersweet, will be easier to face. I am glad you want to put something together for his children to remember him by. My friend just made a digital book of her father for herself and two sisters. It can be done online. Maybe it is something you can look into as well. I am sorry your brother found himself in the position of feeling there was no other way out. I am sure at that point he wasn't thinking clearly. He would not have wanted for anyone to be hurt. Share more with us as you feel you are able. We are here to offer you comfort and support. :hug:
  6. 12barblues

    12barblues Member

    just wanted to say quick hello! life is very frantic at the moment as I do last minute preperations:) Merry Christmas and I will be thinking of you and your children during these holidays! When things slow down a little we can catch up. I'll try you on the other account you mentioned. I don't want to feel rushed and want to be thoughtful and deliberate with my words! I will light a candle in honor of my brother's spirit and say a few short words with my family tonight. It's not much but all i have really. It was a nice suggestion by someone on the board.
    Best Wishes! Mike
  7. 12barblues

    12barblues Member

    Any kind ears!
    I just wrote a very long note and through the magic of the computer/internet hit a button and it all just disappeared. I suppose that's rather how I feel about my brother.

    At first, the sense of disbelief. I just wrote a meaningful, intimate letter and now all my effort is gone and no one will ever be able to experience and/or understand it again. Then i'm pissed off. How can it just disappear? I took the time to nurture it and think about what I was writing down. I had an investment in that letter. I wanted it to be understood and thought there might even be some replies to the connection that i made to my brother.
    Crap! I know...all metaphor, all silly, all unrealistic. I wanted to talk about my Christmas Eve without Dave. I end up talking about the letter about Christmas Eve without Dave disappearing too.
    Why didn't you just call me? I'd of done anything. Had I not told you that lately? Doesn't matter. You knew that! We talked for years. Years!! I missed so many of the things I took for granted over these last few months. Especially yesterday and today.

    Well, much different then the earlier notes. Maybe I will write that up again later as it was much more positive. Hope all are well! Thanks for listening/reading/responding. :)