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My broken computer is killing me

#1
So today I answer the age old question that very few have ever answered. Why would someone commit suicide? Where do I start? Cooking up a suicide doesn’t happen overnight. It starts with a long recipe, with hundreds of ingredients and many years of simmering. The pot starts getting filled moment you are born and it fills up from there. It starts with being born into a dysfunctional family. It continues with being effectively abandoned when your brother is born. It grows when your sister hits her teen years and takes what little attention is left for her needs. Then comes the horrific relationship role modeling - parents and grandparents alike. Sprinkle in a little childhood sexual abuse and an adolescent rape and stir like crazy. Throw in a few abusive boyfriends and being the victim of crimes serious enough to cause PTSD. Follow that up with lots of sexual harassment and discrimination - maybe unwanted attention from men who like brunettes with large breasts to the opposite - difficulty getting help in a college class because the professor prefers blondes with small breasts. How about adding in a five figure pay discrepancy based on sex as “only men support their families”. After a while throw in some pet losses, some false professional accusations and some serious embezzlement and breaches of trust. But don’t forget the insane amount of discrimination in your industry based on your sex. Make sure to include being treated as less capable, being called by your first name while the men are called by their last names, and being taken far less seriously and seen as less competent and given less chance than the men despite the fact that you out weigh the men in capability by leaps snd bounds. Throw in an a emotional affair never acknowledged, the realization that you screwed up as a parent and it’s too late to fix it and some serious chronic illnesses. Drizzle on the fact that you are now past the point that anyone wants to hire a woman - while men your age are a hot commodity. Finally top with the most bullish dictator like government leaders who are so unbelievably corrupt that you are surprised they don’t burst into flames when they pass a church - but make sure that no matter what they are doing to you and your family by using their government power, you can’t do anything about it as you can’t fight “city hall” and you can’t find anyone to help you no matter how much you beg and plead - nobody cares or they don’t want to make waves as they don’t want to draw fire in their direction. Combine that with having the most evil three couples you’ve ever met in your life as your neighbors, who are making your life a living hell and doing horrific things to you on a daily basis - one couple with the encouragement of their attorney who happens to be the most underhanded attorney you’ve ever had the joy of knowing. The one who makes you sick just to hear the name of. Then pop the cherry on top - which is something totally stupid like your computer breaking down and your inability to fix it. And you’ve been crying out for help with all of this - from your family, your friends, agencies, entities, attorneys ... you are completely overwhelmed - at your absolute breaking point - and you either get ignored, passed over for more important matters or lectured on your time management skills. And there it is. The end. Of everything you have ever known. On a permanent basis. All because your couldn’t figure out how to fix your stupid computer.
 
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1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
it sounds like your computer is the least of your problems, can you say what country you're from? and there is no such thing as screwing up parenting to the point that you can't fix it, all parents make mistakes including me. and i'm sorry about chronic illness that's hard to live with. keep talking with us we are listening. and welcome to SF we are a peer community that cares but never judges, please look at the different forums as well as chat if you prefer real time. you are not alone anymore...mike...*hug*console*shake
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#3
I can understand that one last thing being the huge kick into everything else breaking down. You hold it together for so long and then that little thing just tips you over the edge.

I hope you find some support and love here, and that things improve for you. What you've gone through is what no one should ever have to.

Sending hugs
 

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