My Brother beat me to it

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregistered74, May 3, 2010.

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  1. arrhhh. Just seeking some honest 'opinions' and/or advice...A brief history...I'm 35 girl
    My brother committed suicide 10yrs ago, massive shock ect, ect.
    Afer the shocking phone call, my 1st reaction was very calm, as i always knew he would die before me. After that and the following 10yrs I've thought about it and can't stop myself from thinking 'he beat me too it' as I had seriously thought about killing myself on various times, yrs before he died.
    People have asked me 'do u have suicidal thoughts' & the honest answer is 'yes' as suicide is a big thought in my mind,(as my brother was!) and sometimes it does get real powerful. I can control it, but i do get real scared sometimes that oneday i might not be able to control it anymore, when i get real bad I believe 'it worked for him' and stuff this world and I can be with my brother again-therefore suicide really is a win win situation.
    I've tried counselling and it seams to make things a whole lot worse...I'll admit to myself i've had depression for years, but its been there for so long it seems the norm for me...I know i'm no freak, but sometimes i wonder...lots
    Can anyone give me an honest opinion/reply...
    big big thanx xx
  2. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    I think it's natural what your brother did would influence you. In the sense of making the idea more prominent in your mind. I really can't say much else though.
  3. Hi, even though your brother beat you to it, it doesn't mean that you must follow in his footsteps. You can turn your life around if you just try really hard. You're only 35, you're still young. :)
  4. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    There is nothing about suicide being your destiny other than an inner voice that is distorted from an unbearable pain. Stay safe until you can heal your unresolved pain- then your inner voice will speak about survival.
  5. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    I dont know how you could witness the destruction, that it did to you and to the rest of your family and think that that you want to do the same.
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