My brother

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Samsara, Aug 11, 2009.

  1. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    I lost my brother to suicide. I've made several posts like this, but I don't expect anyone to remember :p and I don't want to relive it right now...but I miss Mike, so so much. I think I may be forgetting him. It's hard to remember what his voice sounds like. I don't remember if we have any recordings of him as he was before he died. I tried to talk about this with someone who knew him, but they are all asleep.
    I feel like I should make a shrine or something, but I can't be reminded every damn day...
    I don't want to ramble, I'll give myself bad ideas. I just miss my big brother.:missyou:
     
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    I just give you a hug :hug:
     
  3. pisces

    pisces New Member & Antiquities Friend

    I lost my brother to suicide on the 9th of july this year,its early days and i'm trying to come to terms with it,and i keep trying to remember his face and voice,i keep looking at photos and video but i know in time i wont need the photo's i'll be able to use the one's in my head again and i'll remember the good times and you will too,we just got to take it one day at a time,hang in there.If you ever want to talk let me know,Hugs,x
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you won't forget him he will always be in your heart in your memories i miss my brother too suicide year ago Take one day at a time remember he would want his sister happy as my bro would want me to be happy. Take one day at a time okay thats all we can do and remember the times of happiness you had together. I planted a tree in my yard to commemorate by bro could you do something like that a tree he liked or a plant that he liked
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    No words can comfort you in the loss of someone you love to suicide. You may forget the sound of his voice over time, but you will never forget him. I don't think building a shrine to him is the answer, but doing something like ~violet~ suggested can be helpful. If you do not wish to plant a tree, something else cn be established in his memory. My uncle loved teaching kids how to ride a bike. When life became too much for him, my aunt established, in his memory, a fund in which a needy child is provided with a bike. Just a thought. :hug:
     
  6. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry... Here's a hug :hug:
     
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Time does have a way of helping to ease the pain. For some it comes quickly for others longer. And you may forget some details but hun you will never forget your brother. The person that is etched into your heart will always be there sweetie. Another thing you can do is to find a piece of jewelery that symbolizes something that was unique to your brother ( his birthstone, zodiac, something he enjoyed). And wear it so feels like he is always near. Sometimes we try so hard to remember that we are actually forgetting. Just let the good memories and warm feelings come and dont stress so much over the other things hun. I believe that our loved ones do watch over us and are "there". So keep living your life to your fullest and that is the best tribute or "shrine" you could make for him. Hugs!
     
  8. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    I read the original post this morning and it saddened me loads, I have been thinking about it all day. My brother also took his life Feb9th 2001, he was 20years old. I don't think of him every day anymore, but when occasions such as this arise it keeps me thinking all day. I've been going though old pictures and stuff. I blame his suicide on 1. him knowing that i had attempted 2. Our defection from East Germany 3. Never seeing out Mum again who refused to leave East Germany and 4. My parents subsequent divorce. My favourite photo is of me and him, i'm about 10 and he's 4 and we are standing next to a fountain in Berlin. I miss him terribly.

    My thoughts are with both Samsara and Pisces.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm sorry for your loss :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  10. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Maybe you can find something to do in his memory...something each yr to help another, or to support something he was close to...that way, you know you will honor him...sorry about your loss and know we are here for you,,,big hugs, J
     
  11. Lina

    Lina Member

    I am reminded of something Amy Eldon said about her brother Dan's death:

    "...But I found Dan's spirit in the world around me, in the warmth of my friends, and in myself when I began to reach out to others. I started volunteering at a hospital and gave my energy to children who were suffering. I felt I could understand their pain. I also discovered how few things seemed really important in life. Petty arguments, parking tickets and lousy boyfriends didn't matter so much to me anymore. I found that honesty and love for the people around me were more important. I decided that if I were to die unexpectedly, I would make sure I resolved everything with those I loved. I didn't want to have any regrets. In time I found the pain visited less frequently, and when the sorrow washed through me, it wasn't quite as deep or intense as it used to be.
    When I felt happy, it was bliss because I had known the extremes of sadness. I was reborn through my pain, and was profoundly aware of how precious life really is. I knew that my home could burn down and my fingers could be cut off, but after dealing with Dan's death, I could survive just about anything. My worst nightmare had become reality and I survived.
    Even now, as a whole day passes without my eyes welling up, I panic. I have to tell myself that I am not betraying Dan if I don't think about him all the time. I am still afraid that when I am old enough to have my children on my lap and tell them tales about their nutty Uncle Dan, I won't be able to visualize his face or hear his voice as clearly as I do now. I am losing details and specific memories of my brother, but I will always remember his essence."

    I find that losing someone is the most terrible thing in the world. But find the strength to enjoy your own life twice as much! Love the people that are still here twice as much...feel everything twice as much. Love your life, because I'm sure your brother would have wanted you to. Yeah, with time, we start losing bits and pieces...their voice, or the way they walked, or the way they smelled...but they will always be there, in your heart. :)

    If anyone wants to read the whole essay, it is very helpful. Just a girl dealing with her big brother being gone, I carry it with me always and read it when I'm feeling weak...

    http://www.daneldon.org/about/articles/dez_me.htm

    Cheer up. Hugs.