my brotherSSSSSS

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by SmilePretty, Aug 28, 2006.

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  1. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    my oldest brother started to hit me. My other brother (who is older than me also) has been doing this for years and verbally abusing me also. I never expected him to hit me though. He has pretty much been a father figure to me. So, when he hit me, it hurt worse than the beating.

    I have been told before by people to go and get help...but i cant.
    A) it is my word verses theirs
    B) i have problems with confrontation
    C) they are family

    in other words, i cant get help. i just need to tell i am posting it here. It is probably my fault anyhow. If i had cleaned the house right, and didnt say anything about...anything...i would have been fine.
    But i wish i could keep it all in is a lot easier than writng this and it is sure as hell a lot easier to get by without any pity.

    I am not posting this because i want pity. i am posting this because i dont know what to do.
  2. aww..lucy, im soo dont deserve that..i love you best friend but i dont know how to always here
  3. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    there are very feel things that actually would warrant a beating in my eyes (if you hit first, expect it back), and i have to say that not cleaning something properly, and saying somethings, are so far from the bar it is beyond belief. there is no way anyone should face this kind of abuse from anyone, let alone from your own brothers. they should be greatful that you even cleaned the house, i feel that this cannot be the real reason why they are doing this to you, try to find out what it is. maybe they feel it makes them more manly or something, either way you should not have to put up with it. :hug:
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Its not your fault! its not no ones fault but his! you can't blame yourself for an act that he carried out, thats not right. Him and only him is responsible for his actions and you can't keep blaming yourself, its just gonna make you fell evern worse. No one has the right to hit another person especially over something as trival as cleaning.

    I grew up with a violent father until i was about 4-5, then my mum left with me and my brother, and theres one story that sticks in my mind and will do for the rest of my life, even tho i wasn't born at the time, it still affected me and still does :cry:. But im glad hes out of my life.

    People these days feel that they can take the law into their own hands and its quite frightful how far some people will go over small things such as cleaning

    take care

    vikki x
  5. being kin is not an excuse for abuse

    you need to approach your parents, or the authorities if this exascerbates.
  6. I hardly know where to begin, but I will end with the fact that I had my brother charged with assault (and convicted). Family (Oh pel-EEZE) is NO excuse for the bullshit that happens. I can easily say "HONOUR YOURSELF", and it would be true --- but I know how it gets knocked down, step by step. There is NO excuse for such violence, though it's not uncommon. Cops, counsellers, social agencies will give advice, courage, and insight. Distress lines in your area would be a good start - just to vent and to start to look at the reality of the situation. It's YOUR reality. Some folks never catch a glimpse - usually the abuser. I tried to reach my brother for several years, but he was in denial (still is - be that a warning - you have to know what is true for YOU! You're NOT responsible for someone else's denial). In the end - it was only up to me to say ***STOP***!!!!!!!!!! I was accused of having betrayed a family member (can you imagine? yes, I suppose you can - it take strenght, but you have it in you, since you've already found your voice luv). You are being held hostage by others wills and ignorance - you WILL find your way Lucy! But you must look.

    Look for avenues - the ones I mentioned. If you're still in school, talk to a counsellor there for a start. Look in the phone book under DISTRESS, or HELP, or women's shelters, or mental health agencies - anything. Phone a community agency - grow calouses on your index dialing finger and phone ear - but LOOK for answers and help. You are NOT alone!

    You GO Girl!!!!!!!!!!
    You got folks on your side

  7. One more wee thing...I wrote this... I wrote this after having my brother charged, after my mother's cancer, after my father's stroke, family financial ruin, and then my father's suicide. The list does not stop there darlin' - it just goes on and on - for the last 8-9 years - but I made a poster out of this and sent it out to all the women's shelters in my home province. Maybe you'll find some words that reach you in your quest - to be you, and true to yourself... and to learn as you go along. I say again, you are not alone...

  8. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    it happened again yester day :(
  9. This is not to sound harsh (no WAY) but no one can help you if you don't help yourself. No one can give you answers if you're not ready for them. No one can give advice if you're not ready to take it. This does NOT (!) MAKE YOU A LOSER! You're still looking is all. But ask questions as quick as they come. You do NOT need to be in this position. It took me three years, but I did phone the cops. They weren't any more ready than my bro to face reality. But one sunday, afteranother bout, I took my ass down directly to the police station and filled out an affidavit. It took near 48 hours for me to make the decision - and it wasn't the first occurence (no way) - but it WAS going to be the LAST! Read my last bits and clues - SOMEONE will listen and HEAR! My heart is with you.

    "Family" should be the LAST excuse for putting up with such bullshit! (!!!!!!)

    You'll see it one day - hopefully soon enough

  10. cthulhu

    cthulhu Well-Known Member

    no no no no no no no no no no non no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no ad nauseum...
    it is never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever "your fault" for geting abused...ever...under any sercumstances...if you cant go to your parents go to a school counseler or a family friend you trust or the police...and them being family is not any resone to refran from sayiong have every right to expect to be safe in your own home and every right to a level of comon certousy that you aperantly are not geting...despite the comonly held beleaf that minors do not have rights, thwey do, and one of them is to NOT be assulted by "loved" ones...and if worse comes to worse call cps...there are loads fo ppl willing to help, all you need to do is to contact them and ask...
  11. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    i just CANT do it
  12. cthulhu

    cthulhu Well-Known Member

    as sad as it is for me to say, you are the only one who can help you, it isnt a mater of can or can not, it is a mater of what needs to be may hurt but those wounds will mend, the ones inflicted upone you by your "brothers" wount so easily...i was abused by many times many ppl, i am now 26 and my injeries have yet to heal...the last and not become like me, stand up and say no, in the end you will be happier for it...
  13. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    im pretty much with cthulhu and FoundAndLost1, you need to help yourself before anyone else can help, this goes for any situation in life, YOU need to do something about it, stand up for yourself
  14. Tahiti

    Tahiti Well-Known Member

    Um...I know since you can't do it, just...put up with it. That's what I'm doing right now. How old is he anyway? He's going off to college soon? New dorm? Then he'll be out of your life, or as soon as you get into college, you'll be out of his life.

    For right now, lay low and don't fight back. I know you're gonna feel like a little weakling and a loser, but ignore those feelings. You're not. It'll be more stupid if you try to fight back, because things are going to escalate and eventually someone might get seriously hurt. You're worth too much for that. Don't blame yourself for the beatings, and don't punish yourself. The fault all lies within him, but what can you do with a person like that? Except hang in there and wait until he's out of your life, which I guarantee will be someday soon. He's not going to stay in your life forever. Keep up that thinking, and just bear it, please. Because if you try to fight back things get much worse, trust me.

    Get involved with lots of other [safe] and [good] activities, don't turn to drugs and shit because of him. Why should you waste your life because of him? Remember, he may mess up and do things with your body, but he can only affect your mind to some extent. You're still in control over yourself.

    Think of this as a temporary phase in your life. You may not have started out well, you might be going through unspeakable shit right now, but there's always a future to hope for. Maybe, in another 10 or 20 years from now, you'll look back on your life and everything that you're going through right now will just be a distant, fuzzy memory, something that's not worth thinking about. You'll be busy with other things, you'll be happy.

    If you finally think you can, if things start getting worse and out of control, and you think you can't take it anymore, tell someone you can trust. Seek help. If you go to church, tell your pastor, and ask him to gather other elders and fight for you so that you can have a restraining order put on your brother. Then live with people who are very close to you, and can protect you.

    But whenever it may be, the day you are free from all abusive relationships, get help right away. I mean a different type of health- mental health. Make sure you do this right away, and don't just ignore it just because it's over. It might come back to haunt you, cause other problems. Clean it all up and move on with your life, be happy, be social. I'm not asking you to forget it all, because that would be impossible.

    Until then, set your mind on something, make up a goal. What do you want to become? What do you want to do in life? What are you good at, what are your hobbies? If you set your mind on that goal, then you can endure even through this situation. Do it for your future, do it for yourself. Your brother is not worth it. He's not worth your time or your effort, or even your thoughts. You're far too important, far too valuable than that.

    If you put it behind you as the past, and even now, treat your situation as if it is something of the past, then a plethora of days will be yours to grasp, to turn into something enjoyable.

    Endurance is the key. And, if you are a christian, even if you're not a good one right now, you'll know that everything that happens has a reason, and that it will all turn out of the greater good.

    I really hope that motivational speech helped you.

    - Mikoto
  15. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Lucy, dear, brothers are not created to beat up and otherwise abuse younger sisters.:mad: Yours are no exception to that rule.:mad: You must stand up for yourself and if you cannot do that, please get someone to stand up for you: a trusted family friend, a trusted relative NOT in you immediate family. Someone. Please??? I can't stand the thought of you being harrassed and abused by your brother, for God's sake!!!:eek:hmy:

    Please be the first one to take a stand against the violence, or ask a trusted friend to do it for you. It CAN be stopped.:smile:

    I would do it if I were geographically closer to you. I love you sweetie and cannot abide violence against ANYONE, person or animal, and especially my friends!!

    love and hope and hugs and strength to you,

    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 12, 2006
  16. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    As so many hve stated in earlier posts, your brother does not have the right to hit you hun. After it happened the first time we spoke. Do you remember what you promised me you would do if it happened again. Its time hun. You need to do this for you. You can't and shouldn't let it continue. Your brother also needs help hun. Do it for him as well. Okay off of my soap box. I care for you Fear and don't want to see you hurting like this. Lets talk some more okay. Take care hun. :hug:
  17. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    i really cant do it...
  18. cthulhu

    cthulhu Well-Known Member

    then you are condemed to sufer imesurable sufering and avoiding it
  19. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    life is pain, and if i told someone i would probably cut more
  20. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    but if you dont tell someone, the pressures gonna be on, your have more pain from not telling someone than if you did, no one can help, you have to help yourself, otherwise it will keep going on and on until it ends up in a serious situation, you NEED to tell someone
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