My best friend, who is also my love but I guess I've lost my chance to express my love for him, after years of being madly in love with a girl has decided to take his own life after the 9th time of being rejected. We've been best of buddies and we even had plans to move in together. For now, I'm still under investigation since they found me covered in his blood and I was there when... so I'm afraid to say any detail. Up to now, I've been acting strong because they think I have some kind of suicide pact with him. But now the pain has caught up with me. I've been crying by myself even though in front of other people I appear confident and strong. Because of people's suspicion, I don't want to show any weakness. But now that he's gone, I don't know what to do. I don't think even he realized how much he meant to me. We could have had a future together even if he never returns the love I have for him. I really tried to take his gun from him. If I had known he was really going to do it, I would have physically restrain him or take him down the way I was trained to. All I could think to say was I love you please don't do it I love you. We could have had a future together. I went to visitation, but I didn't have the strength to go to his funeral.