My buddy, my love

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by In_Memory_Of_J, May 31, 2009.

  1. In_Memory_Of_J

    In_Memory_Of_J New Member

    My best friend, who is also my love but I guess I've lost my chance to express my love for him, after years of being madly in love with a girl has decided to take his own life after the 9th time of being rejected. We've been best of buddies and we even had plans to move in together. For now, I'm still under investigation since they found me covered in his blood and I was there when... so I'm afraid to say any detail.

    Up to now, I've been acting strong because they think I have some kind of suicide pact with him. But now the pain has caught up with me. I've been crying by myself even though in front of other people I appear confident and strong. Because of people's suspicion, I don't want to show any weakness. But now that he's gone, I don't know what to do. I don't think even he realized how much he meant to me. We could have had a future together even if he never returns the love I have for him.

    I really tried to take his gun from him. If I had known he was really going to do it, I would have physically restrain him or take him down the way I was trained to. All I could think to say was I love you please don't do it I love you. We could have had a future together.

    I went to visitation, but I didn't have the strength to go to his funeral.
     
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I'm really sorry to hear of your tragedy. I had a friend do the same thing and I was always thinking about his damn gun, ever since he got it. I knew something was wrong and within a year, he was gone. The relationship was different, but the result the same...we both lost someone we loved.

    It sound like you've still got a lot to deal with, legally and such, but after that will be a time of grieving and then you can start to rebuild. It takes time and strenght. You'll be able to hang on and make a life for yourself.

    If you want to pm me it's cool.
     
  3. healing07

    healing07 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and Its a very bad tragedy. I know you really loved her and you are very sad too because you lost the chance to express you love for him but don't feel alone his soul is always with you.
    Be strong and Take care of your self.