I have few friends and my best friend Sasha died a few weeks ago. I miss her so much and I hurt more than ever. I lost my father not that long ago too. I miss both of them and I just want to join them. But I really don't. I want to be happy and LIVE but the suicidal thoughts creep up and I don't know how to deal with them. I do NOT want to die. I want the pain to go away and that's the only illogical way that I feel it will go away. help??