My Childhood is killing me!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Malka, Jan 23, 2015.

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  1. Malka

    Malka New Member

    Hey im an 20 year old guy
    And my life sucks,when I was little I had nothing
    To worry about, Just having fun playing games.

    Most people realize they cannot go back in time and move on.
    I just can't, I've been feeling like this for about 5 years
    And stil cannot accept im an adult now.
    I feel horrible if someone calls me sir or man.

    It became so bad that I attempted suicide 2 times,
    The older I get the more I'm getting depressed.
    I escape reality by playing video games and locking myself
    In my room.

    When I see other kids playing outside I just can't help but feeling pain inside, I never got the love I deserved.
    And I never had close friends or a relationship
    Because I fear being loved, I really do....

    I just can't or want to get over it.
    Is this the end for me?
    How many years do I need to get older before I can't
    Take it anymore and end it all?

    I Lost the real me and can't find it back...
    It's so frustrating!

    Anyone else feeling this way?

  2. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    It seems we can get lost and give up at any point in our lives. Most of us here either have or had problems with our lives.

    The one thing I did learn is to take small steps.

    What do you specifically want to be different in your life right now?
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Ronno

    I also found the transition from being a child to an adult very difficult and couldn't deal with it at all.

    Do you have any friends at all now? What would you do different right now? You are only 20, you can change so much right now? :hug:
  4. Malka

    Malka New Member

    I don't have friends, because I'm to scared of being hurted again.
    I know I'm still young but the thought of getting old scares the s**t out of me.
    I want to stay young so bad, that suicide seems The only opinion to stay and be remembered young.
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    but you can get love NOW, just gotta reach out. and i do relate and i tell myself this every day:
    fear is paralysing, fear of rejection, yes it is.
    but opening self up to experiences and feelings, be they good or bad is our sole purpose as human beings - to feel and learn and be, is my belief
    maybe the old you is hidden and maybe you need to work on the now to find him again and not look too much to past
  6. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Well-Known Member

    I am in my mid to late twenties. I too fear getting older, and I miss being a kid. I think back on some of the years during my childhood and think about how quickly each year seems to have passed. Then I remind myself that those years took a very long time to pass. It is just that because it has been so long ago, it seems like the time passed really quickly, even though it didn't.

    5 years is a long time to be missing the past. I try to remind myself that being a kid wasn't as good as I now think it was. It had insecurities that don't seem like anything to worry about now.
  7. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Often times issues people face are rooted in childhood. I hold full on rage against teachers who allowed me to be pushed around, the people who did it, and everything else that lead to my issues.

    The social issues can be tough... I grew up that kid who was uncool to be friends with... the favorite target for ridicule and insults.

    It took me a long time to see myself as someone worth getting to know... a good friend, etc. Took quite a bit of therapy, stepping out of my comfort zone but I am starting to recover from that.

    But yes... when I see happy children I feel robbed. I didn't get a lot of those experiences.
  8. Malka

    Malka New Member

    But what is the point of going trough all these struggles,
    If im going to die in the end anyway?
  9. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is like most things. The destination is less important than the journey. All the happy lucky people (that probably have just as many issues but reacted differently or hide it better) also ultimately die so it is the same destination. What matters and what can always be changed is what happens on the journey. That is where the effort and focus should be- on what today tomorrow and next week and next year mean to you or could mean to you.
  10. Malka

    Malka New Member

    Thank you everyone. :D
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