There's no use. I'm trying hard to stay stable for myself. now I have to take care of my dad. I just don't know how to help him. He gets very angry, he talks of suicide/homicide. I know for sure he wouldn't follow threw with it. I hope he just wakes up better, he usually dose. Till I talk to him next I'm stressed!!! I just want to disappear. I'm honestly tired of the ups and downs I'm upset, I was doing good for so long, and I screwed it up. I do/don't want to die. I didn't choose any of this and not even a choice of what's going to fall upon me in the future. I was never given an instruction manual, or a rule book. I just don't know any more. What good is my flesh on this beautiful earth anymore. With cancer its physical, mental, emotional you take drugs for it. And You either win or lose. With mental health you never win but you will always lose. And it lasts till you die.