It started out as a good day, I just got my disabality check for 1k, then my friend shane picked me up, we wanted to get high, but he has no money, and I don't mind spending a large amount of money on my friends. So we went to one of his dealers houses we picked up 30xanax bars for 100 dollars. 10 for me, him and his brother, I poped 10, then he did. I stayed the night at his mom and, dads house. All I can remember is that his mom was screaming because he layed dead on the living room floor. We both got rushed to the hosptal, I don't remember much after taking the pills, just what we did before, I guess I payed for us to get each a tattoo. Do you even know what it's like to face his parents after that and, going to the viewing? I been to alot of funerals due to being in the Army and servering a tour in iraq. I already suffer from PTSD/Bipolar/TBI/sever depression. THEN THIS HAPPENED? what the fuck. When I seen him at the fueral it was as if it was just a body, no expresion at all. Comming back from war feels as if my old friends are gone, I really feel like I have none, I'm alone and on the edge, I know one day I will commit suicide just a matter of time. I am on very strong meds, but they don't seem to work. I just feel so numb, as if I am walking through life without feeling the motion. I cut deep now,, just the otherday I was going for my neck but did not have the guts to do it. My sister told me if I do Don't do it in the house. I am crying for help but I'm stuck in this existenal crisis that is pushing me deeper and deeper under, and it's getting harder and harder to breathe. PLEASE SOMONE HELP ME!