my close friend

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Asylum Project, Sep 29, 2010.

  1. Asylum Project

    Asylum Project Well-Known Member

    It started out as a good day, I just got my disabality check for 1k, then my friend shane picked me up, we wanted to get high, but he has no money, and I don't mind spending a large amount of money on my friends. So we went to one of his dealers houses we picked up 30xanax bars for 100 dollars. 10 for me, him and his brother, I poped 10, then he did. I stayed the night at his mom and, dads house. All I can remember is that his mom was screaming because he layed dead on the living room floor. We both got rushed to the hosptal, I don't remember much after taking the pills, just what we did before, I guess I payed for us to get each a tattoo. Do you even know what it's like to face his parents after that and, going to the viewing? I been to alot of funerals due to being in the Army and servering a tour in iraq. I already suffer from PTSD/Bipolar/TBI/sever depression. THEN THIS HAPPENED? what the fuck. When I seen him at the fueral it was as if it was just a body, no expresion at all. Comming back from war feels as if my old friends are gone, I really feel like I have none, I'm alone and on the edge, I know one day I will commit suicide just a matter of time. I am on very strong meds, but they don't seem to work. I just feel so numb, as if I am walking through life without feeling the motion. I cut deep now,, just the otherday I was going for my neck but did not have the guts to do it. My sister told me if I do Don't do it in the house. I am crying for help but I'm stuck in this existenal crisis that is pushing me deeper and deeper under, and it's getting harder and harder to breathe. PLEASE SOMONE HELP ME!
     
  2. Lizzie.

    Lizzie. Member

    I am very sorry for your loss and what you are going through, it can't be easy in the slightest. I have never, that I know of, had any experience with drugs or the like, but from when you were saying you were cutting yourself, if sounds like you are feeling suicidal, but if you're not, I wouldn't recommend spending your time reading on.

    My father committed suicide on Friday, and it was absolutely devastating. And still is. I'm sure you have a family and bunch of friends who all love for you and care for you. And even if you don't think they do, chances are they love you a lot more than you think. My dad, we think, had bipolar, which made him think that we didn't love him and we were better off without him, which is bollocks.

    So, can I just say, if you are thinking of taking your own life, think of the pain you would cause your family and friends. A lot of people loved my father, but he couldn't see it. The church is going to be packed on monday, and we are trying to find ways to cater everyone.

    Hope this gets better. :)