My co-workers hate me and I just don't understand why

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by violetsky, Dec 15, 2011.

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  1. violetsky

    violetsky New Member

    Hi, I am a new member and this is my first post. This issue with my co-workers has begun to depress me so much that I just really needed to talk about it and see if anyone else has been in a situation like mine, and how they coped with it, because I am truly struggling. It's got to the point where I cry myself to sleep at night and dread waking up in the morning.

    I began this new job in April. I work part-time while most of the staff there are full timers. To begin with I didn't really notice anything was up. I am naturally a shy and quiet person, but I made a big effort to always smile and say hello whenever I saw the other staff throughout the day, even the ones that I barely ever have to work with. But there was one girl, right from the very beginning, who never wanted anything to do with me. If I said hello she would ignore me. If I walk into a room she turns her back on me. If I tried to begin a conversation with her, she would give me a one-word answer and then go back to ignoring me. She began this treatment of me in April when I was brand new to the job, and has continued it right up to now, and to this day I have no idea what her problem is with me. As an example of her hostility towards me, yesterday I bumped right into her as we were going in opposite directions along a corridor. I smiled and said, "Hi! How are you?" She totally ignored me. She did not even crack a smile but just walked on by as though I was invisible.

    But now it's not just her; it's other people too. Mainly it is this nasty girl's group of close friends. They have all begun to ignore me as though I don't exist. Yesterday I unfortunately had to work in close contact with two of them all afternoon. They talked over me the whole time as though I was not there, and the only time they said anything to me was to ask me to clean up after them. Any efforts by me to begin a conversation were met with one-word answers and they never meet my gaze. They did not say hello to me when I came in nor goodbye to me when I left. It is making me feel as though I am worth nothing and I cannot describe how much it is beginning to get me down.

    It's got to the point now where I am going outside in the freezing cold every day during my lunch breaks because I don't want to sit in the staff room with them all talking over me and acting as though I'm not there. I guess not sitting with them makes me even more excluded, but being in their company makes me feel so awful and crushes my self esteem - I just can't bear it anymore.

    What (if anything) ought I to do about this? :sad:

    Thanks for listening... I'm sorry it's so long.
  2. Null

    Null Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry your going through this. I can only imagine how hard this is.

    My GF went through this same sort of thing not to long ago. She worked at this job for 2 years or more and slowly became isolated like you describe. I think before she quit her boss had been publicly trying to hire for her position and making rude comments. She finally found another job and was offered a position, later that day her bossed txted her, telling her when her last day would be. I think she just txted back and said "I don't think I will be coming back, thanks". She still hasn't recovered from that experience.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry for the pain your feeling and sometimes talking helps. Its so easy to just say "find a new job" but I'm sure your situation is a little more complex. I hope you find what your looking for and if you ever need an ear please pm me.
  3. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    I'd ignore her as she does you. Some people are just assholes.
  4. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Workplace cliques suck. They're so much like schoolyard behavior. I'm sorry you're being exposed to this. Is there anyone impartial, like your supervisor, manager, or Human Resources that you can go to, and at least document that it exists.

    I wish you luck. We care and will listen to anything you have to say.

    Please take care and be good to yourself
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree with 1Lefty you need to report this behavior it is no different then the bully on the school yard Go to human resources report her okay and the others if this keeps up

    this is harassment hun and it is not acceptable.
  6. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    hi violetsky. i'm sorry to hear that. i completely understand how much it sucks because i was in the same position once. is it possible to avoid this girl and the gang? true you inevitably see them everyday but how about not initiating conversations with them and ignoring them so you won't feel like being ignored because you ignore them first. (lol a bit childish but i did that too and in a strange way it helped) i'd also suggest you stick with kind colleagues. even if you can't be with them all the time, you'll feel a lot better at work knowing that someone cares.
  7. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    Workplace bullying is what that sounds like. People can really suck and they're full of shit. Some people really will just treat you awfully for no reason. It's pretty disgusting.

    Just ignore them and go about your day. YOU have to pretend like THEY don't exist. Avoid them as much as you can.

    What's sad is that I was treated in the exact same way in high school. All of that ignoring they do to you has the effect of making you feel like you're not even worth anything. They're crappy people and they suck. They know what they're doing and they don't care, so why should you? Guess what? All you have to do is talk shit about them to whoever you're friends with and you'll feel better. All you have to do is tell them how they're hurting you to other people and you'll feel better just like that. Don't even say hi to them. If they bitch at you for not even greeting them, then they're double-full of shit because they didn't want to hear you talk to them before. That's just blatant ego-stroking.
  8. sadlyhurt

    sadlyhurt Guest

    I'm going through the same thing but this time a co worker jumped in my face so I jumped back. Then she threatened to hit me with somethin but I was the one that got suspended for 3 days. Its not fair when these cliques can get away with shit but all I do is work and I'm respectful to everyone. I think its time to look for another job. What do you think?
  9. sadlyhurt

    sadlyhurt Guest

  10. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Must be very difficult to cope with. Hope you can hang on long enough to get a good reference for your CV. Being without work and a salary is even more stressful.
  11. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I've been there. Because I was the only one to complain about the people not working I was treated like shit. I lost my temper, which made things worse for me because I looked unstable.

    I suggest trying to keep calm. Carry on with your job and ignore them. You can always talk to whoever is in charge, or take it further to someone in HR if the company has a head office. Look for another job in your spare time, but don't quit.
  12. Special_11

    Special_11 New Member

    I'm dealing with the same issue. The stress and anxiety is making feel completely imompetant and worthless . I dread work every day, and even Sunday morning I start getting Anxiety thinking about Monday. I hate this. I don't get why I'm picked on. It makes me feel soooooo worthless. Ideas?
  13. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    Variance... Maybe you join a workplace and ppl already knew each other and they r they wrong types of people... Could be any number of reasons. Hope you get through it.
  14. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello. I have learned that people can either accept or reject me. Love me or hate me. I am always friendly and cheerful when I can be, some people cannot stand others who are cheerful. They are so miserable that it angers them when others aren't miserable like them.
    I wouldn't allow it to affect you. You cannot please everyone, and once you realize this the better off you will be. Be you. You sound like a beautiful soul. Let it shine because it will positively affect someone. Maybe not that group, but others. My prayers are with you.
  15. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    I also had a problme once when I was asked by my manager to work with this one man, but this man was psychotic. He felt threatened by me and refused to cooperate. He used to shout at me, get angry with me and so on. I was upset for a while but I then told my manager that this man was not cooperating. He gave me some other work and I managed to get him fired. I am proud that I got him fired. I believe in tit for tat. I belivee in survival of the fittest. Once this man got fired, life was good for me. I became friends with oen man and he gave me trouble. I do not know why I did not recognize him for what he was. I have trouble judging people. Now then I am 65, I am better at judging people. I kick a man from my friends list once he has proved that he is not a friend because he did not help me when I was in need.
    You will get better too. Just hang in there and do not panick. Instead of posting here, why not post on a forum for social anxiety. The thoughts of some really depressed people here might make you suicidal too.
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