My complete story

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hurted, Mar 5, 2008.

  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Warning: very boring!
    First im sorry... i bother people on here so much... that 400 post i made are mostly stupid... so this is the last thread about my past, here im gonna tell whole story... I already posted some things, so that will make my post even more boring...

    Everything started at the age of 7, when i went to school for first time...
    At the time i was weirdo... pretty unsocial, stupid, acting like idiot... I caused a lot of problems to my poor mother…
    I had no friends... Well i did have few, but we were fake friends... they didnt like me much, they hang with me because our parents were friends...
    So very soon, we fall apart and i was totaly alone... No friends... When i was really bored, my mother called her friends and ask them to come to visit us with their sons and daugthers...From age of 7 to 13 i had only that kind of "friends" plus there were 2 more guys, but we really werent good friends, they were selfish plus they tell my secrets to other people in class... At the age of 10 i start to eating a lot and get really fat.... i lose weigth at age of 14... During that time i cant say that i was happy nor sad, i just cant remember... But i had lot of fobias and social anxiety (not severe), they were really bad sometimes, but most of the time i could cope good with it...Also i live in my own world since i knew, im escaping from loneliness and reality...
    Then i went to other school and met new friends... I was 14.... I lose weight, i was really happy, full of hope,... My friends didnt accept me completly.... they didnt like that i was fat in past and they hate that i smoked and drink occasionally, but they care for me... In age from 14-15 i was in best mood of my life...
    At this point i will add few more things... I always get what i want in past.... always when i want stupid plastic toys, my parents bought them.... they use all money on me, plus parents show me lot of love...Yes, we were screaming at each other half of time, but when i need help they always offered it to me...
    At 15 i finish school.... Most people in class liked me…i had high self esteem and i was full of plans...
    When i came to new school, i realize that all these were only dreams...People start to make fun out of me, it hurt me so much (they were making fun out of me all life, but before i didnt care for a second, i was extremly strong person)... My dreams almost become thruth... I met girl and fall in love with her, so did she... She was the only person who would give me love back... plus she was not just normal girl, but she was very emmotional and had lot of problems like me... However, i fucked up and insted of asking her to become my gf we start to fall apart... guess its because of social anxiety...
    Since then it got on worse... Ciggarets, drinking, weed (i stoped with last 2 not long ago)... More sad love story... more gained weight...lot of time i felt depressed for 14 to even 2 months... but not severe....

    However, my life become tottaly fucked up in november 2007.... I got really depressed...and i start to cut myself... This time it was "real" depression...I still have it, of course...
    And thats pretty much all...

    I wont lie... I dont remember well if i was happy when i was young... I know that mostly i was happy till i come to new school, but i had lot of problems and worries... Phobias and anxiethy, loneliness, eating problems and stuff like that had impact on me...

    I cant move on… I still love her and shw knows it… I saw her 3 days ago when i smoke ciggaret infront of school so i watch in her like 10 minutes… After this i had to go to WC and cut my leg… dont know…
    Any advices how to become normal teenager?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2008
  2. HiddenMask

    HiddenMask Member

    Use those good memories and attempt to become that person again. Other people will always push you around and try to keep you down. You can lose it all and have nothing but to be truly strong you need to no how to get it all back again. Life has its ups and downs but for every step down take two steps up.