My Cousin

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by KirstyMissJimBob, Oct 15, 2008.

  1. KirstyMissJimBob

    KirstyMissJimBob Well-Known Member

    A month ago I lost my cousin Jamie (JimBob) to suicide, and i have never felt so alone in my life, never felt so much pain.
    I saw him 2 weeks b4 he did it and i felt like i had found my best friend again.
    Then i find out he killed himself and iv been feeling like im in a blackhole ever since.
    Iv been depressed since i was 13 and im now 20, i have started to cut again because it takes away the pain of losing Jamie for that tiny moment.
    Sometimes i wish it were me instead of him. The only thing that is keeping me here today is my animals. If i didnt have them i would be with Jamie.

    This sucks so bad and hurts too much, does the pain ever end :(
  2. black dove

    black dove Well-Known Member

    i cant begin to imagine what you're going through. that would hit very hard. if you want to talk, all of us here are more than willing to give you the time of day. you can talk about jamie or yourself or whatever you like. stay safe xx
  3. KirstyMissJimBob

    KirstyMissJimBob Well-Known Member

    Thanks heaps for that, i find it hard talking to family and my bf and my friends, i dont know why but i just cant talk to them about how i feel.
    Cool thanks for listening
  4. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to SF! Drop by in chat sometime! :hug:
  5. KirstyMissJimBob

    KirstyMissJimBob Well-Known Member

    Ill prolly come on all the time :)

    Here is a poem i wrote for Jamie the day i found out

    Idont know why you did it, and what went through your mind
    I ask myself the questions, the answers I'll never find
    I cant express to you about the pain that i feel
    I hope that I am dreaming that this nightmare isnt real
    Thinking of you makes me want to cry
    All i can ask and wonder is why?
    But we are blood we'll never be apart
    I love you my cousin...forever in my heart.

    Love and miss you forever xoxoxo
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 15, 2008
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will get better. It seems like it won't, but it will. Just try to stay strong and know that the pain will subside. The human body/mind is very self-protective and will numb that pain after awhile. My husband's cousin committed suicide when he was about 18 and it affected him greatly, but now he is very happy and we are both just phyched to be alive :) Time will heal your pain. Letting your feelings out through poetry(as you have done here) or through just talking about it can be VERY helpful.

    You'll make it.

    What you have posted here is a great tribute to someone you loved dearly.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

    I am here if you need to talk!
  8. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    My God...I have the slightest feeling of what you must be going through.

    My cousin is a diabetic, into drugs and simply doesn't look after himself. When he nearly overdosed it shook my whole world. I started to think about my life without Patrick and the pain was indescribable.

    Please PM me if you want to talk, my friend killed herself and although i understand painful it gets at times...I know what it's like to be left behind.

    Please Pm me if you want to talk
  9. KirstyMissJimBob

    KirstyMissJimBob Well-Known Member

    Well i am going to counselling, iv only had one session but i like the lady i am talking to she is really nice.
    I go back there on Monday. I still think about Jamie alot and it still very much hurts.My counsellor told me to steer clear from alcohol and if i do drink not to drink alot and to talk to my boyfreind and my mates.

    Iv taken the first steps to recovery
  10. rootedphoenix

    rootedphoenix Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear you're headed toward recovery, and :hug: for your loss. I can't imagine how hard that must be.
  11. KirstyMissJimBob

    KirstyMissJimBob Well-Known Member

    Yes i recon if I can beat this i an beat anything- well not everything but i ca still try
  12. healing07

    healing07 Well-Known Member

    i am very sorry for your cousin loss. I understand your situation because I just lost my cousin recently. I know what going on you. Don't be sad because he is always with you in your memories.
    And I am very happy to hear that you're headed toward recovery.
    Take care and God bless you.