My cutting has gotten out of hand.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by #18, Apr 30, 2012.

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  1. #18

    #18 Well-Known Member

    I did cut for a very short while in the past but never like this.

    I don't think I've quite been the same since my Grandpa's funeral and dealing with pain over a guy I know online. A rocky relationship that's lasted for five years.

    Idk...sometimes I feel I'm a burden to everyone and that they'd be better off if I were dead.
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Hope you can get it under control, #18.
    Online relationships can be hard, emotion and tone of voice can be missed or words taken wrongly.

    Why do you feel a burden?
  3. #18

    #18 Well-Known Member

    I feel I'm a burden because my Mom has been taking me to so many doctors, therepists, and mental health centers for so many years. I'm pumped full of pills just to be "normal." No one seems to take me seriously, not even my own Mother. She thought I started to cut myself because I thought it was something to just do. My Dad is constantly angry and drinks a lot and I have a rough relationship with him. I don't have a job because of all of my mental illnesses. I'm trying though, I'm volunteering to work at the local gardens as plants and flowers are my main passion.

    I loved him so much, still do. But I was never good enough for him to meet me. He chose his ex over me and his ex has cheated on him 8 times and has been abusive. They're broke up now because he caught him cheating again. It doesn't matter though, he'll never love me enough.

    I suppose at times I just feel if I were dead no one would have to deal with me and my problems anymore.

    As my Mom said about me "It's always something."
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Sorry to read all that, #18.
    As regards your online man, it sounds to me like you are someone he can fall back on. He may like you but he does not love you. I think that you should start considering him a friend and nothing else.

    It is good that you are volunteering, that is something positive and maybe it will lead to a job, at the very least it's experience.

    If you were dead, nothing could ever change and that would be bad I think.
  5. deathangel101

    deathangel101 Well-Known Member

    Zachary hi my name is angela i know how it can be i used to cut to but think of it this way when you meet ppl and shake their hands do you want them to see the cuts or do you want them to not be there or another example when you meet a person you really like do you want them to saty away from you becuz they think your unstable. thats what helped me to stop cutting
  6. deathangel101

    deathangel101 Well-Known Member

    hunny they dnt kno wats goin on with you and as i can say i have 4 mental disorders which i wld give anything to not hav but you gotta learn to deal with it the meds arent gonna make the change they will help but you hav to choose to change i am here for you if you ever need to tlk and as for the guy online well he's just confused over what he should do give him some time and space let him make his mistakes but make sure your there for him when he needs u most
  7. #18

    #18 Well-Known Member

    Thank you deathangel101, I would like to talk...I guess I just feel whenever I talk to someone about my problems though I just bring them down. I keep doing it though like I can't help it. I guess it's a cry for help. I'm still cutting, I did last's just getting out of control. My Mom got mad at me and said she'd put me away somewhere if I didn't stop. She has no idea how to deal with this. She told me to think of it in her perspective though...having to put one of her kids in a psychiatric unit, it would be tough.
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