my dad abused me

Discussion in 'Rape & Abuse' started by scared_child, Oct 11, 2006.

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  1. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    My dad abused me when I was younger. the only reason why he doesn't now, is because he lives across the country. He would get drunk, and rape my sister, then he would hit me. He hit me with chairs, cast-iron skillets, broom handles, pots and pans, or anyting that he could find. He tried to hit my brother (who is 5 years younger), but I always stepped between them. me and my older sister (about 4 years older) never let my brother see or hear anything that happened. one time, my dad tried to hit my brother with a chair, and I stepped between them. The chair broke over my back, I was 10 or 11. I still have scars, mentally and physically from it. I looked up to my dad, and although i regret it, I still do. When he wasn't drunk, or extremely pissed, he was the best father a girl could wish for.
     
  2. kcinva

    kcinva Active Member

    Songie....hugs to you honey..it is not your fault your dad was abusive...I was abused physically and verbally and I know how it effects you...when you were a child and when you are an adult..some people it effects much more and some of us are very sensitive...I am a man and I am very senisitive and it has been a curse for me...I have tried to be less sensitive but it is just not in me..my dad left us when I was a baby so I never was abused by him....just abandoned...it never seemed to bother me until I was older...it hurts to be hurt as a child...
     
  3. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    yeah, I am...well, I'm still young. And, I had to be an adult when i was 5. I never really got a childhood and i was scared all the time. I remember going to school (when I was slightly older) and burying myself in my books, so that I wouldn't have to think. And then, purposely missing the bus, so that I wouldn't have to deal with the hell i called home, for at least a little while. I still freak out when i hear people yelling, or see someone raise a hand to their child. It scares the sh*t outta me. And I hate it. I hate that i let my dad affect me this much, ya know?
     
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni


    Aww hun, I am so very sorry this all had to happen to you, no one deserves to be treated in that mannor, especially a child. I can understand where you are coming from, except I was the only child there, so it all went in my direction. My step father constantly sexually and physically abused me starting around 7 with the sexual abuse. And when things happen to you when you are a child, you blame yourself, because when you are young all you know really is you, so it's your fault in your head but it's not true, it just we were so young it's like we couldn't even process what was really cgoing on.


    So, please know that it was no way your fault, and we feel so weak, but think about this we are stronger than most, because just pull this shit out of a hat on a regular person and they would react so much differently, they wouldn't be able to handle it like us, we still feel powerless and weak but we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, remember that, there will be a big emtional thing say no, we're weak, bad, this and that but that's our emtion stemming from our abuse, we can get better, it's work but well worth it.


    Take Care, and if you ever need to talk about this stuff or anything, know I am here and will listen and understand where you are coming from. :rose:


    Keep your chin up, sweetie.


    We're here. :handinhan

    Hugs :hug:,
    Carolyn.


    PS - sending many safe hugs to you. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  5. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    thanks...I...uh...well, honestly, I wish that I had been the only child. Because, I hate that my brother was there. And I recently found out that he remembered some of the stuff that happened, and it broke my heart. Because, i spent YEARS protecting him from it, and he remebered that I stepped between him and a chair (it would have hit him over the head (but hit me on the back) It hurt that he remembered. It really hurt.
     
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry sweetie. It must be a tough thing to deal with.....:hug:


    It just a big shame it had to happen to any of you. :rose:






    :hug:,
    Carolyn.
     
  7. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    This thread is necessary, but it will be a *trigger* for many of us. I too am so sorry that you had to deal with this at a young age. Protecting your brother was a good heartedness in you as a kind older sibling. All in the house are affected in dysfunctional envirnoment. Please don't take the guilt on not protection your older or younger siblings. Your dad was wrong. Parents often are. You can be different and you will be. I had a childhood, but cannot recall it. Due to my parents divorce at 4 and my hearing loss right after.

    Many of us who have these kinds of pasts, memories, guilt, hurt and pain are the ones that need meds or supportive people to cope at crisis times, I am sure you know that. I have endured sexual, abandonment, verbal, physical abuses and it still affects me to this day in my 40's. I cope the best I can.
    I recall each time I went to a new psychologist/counselor to get theraphy the person would tell me, 'Man, you survived a lot' lol oh man!! I know, I lived it. lol


    I totally agree with Carolyn that it does make us stronger.
    {"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"}.
    I always strive to be better than the ones that hurt me. Although I recently I went through 4 large crisis times/tradegies at once, and I made several attempts. I came to the realiziation that if I die/suicide I let "them" win. I do not want that.
    So I fight. For what? I have a young son that I cannot see. I have a brother that is mental ill also. I have hope, dreams at night and faith that it will get better. In the meantime, I have learned to be content.

    Feel free to Pm me if I can be of encourage and listen. I know this is a long one. Just want you to know someone cares.
     
  8. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    thanks, I apreciate the advice and I honestly appreciate it. I think that its really great that you have made it through all of this stuff. i have been mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. And I know that it sucks!
     
  9. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I'm glad you're hanging on.

    The fact that you survived through all of this shows amazing strength.

    My father, as well, was a drunk; he was physically, sexually, and verbally abusive, to my siblings and myself. I know how it can be.

    It's a very difficult thing to deal with, and, I'm sorry to say, the emotional scars do not leave entirely. However, fortunately for us and those in similar situations, they do fade.

    Each and every day, you get stronger.

    Just keep in mind that this is no weakness on your part. You're as strong as ever for having gotten through it.

    Focus on that, right now. You can deal with the details later, when it feels right.

    Best of wishes. :hug:
     
  10. deathdealer

    deathdealer Guest

    i was raped by my brother when i was 7 years old,it went on for a while.i wont go into it as i have not long ago written about it in a post.when my father left the army he became physically abusive towards me,he openly admits to this day that he bounced me off of every wall in the house,and it was a huge house.i left at 16 to go in the army and when i was on leave one day,i was around 17 at the time he tried to hit me again out in his yard.i had put up with it since i was about 12,im not saying to do this but i went to hit him back and he goaded me to make me do it saying he could still put me down even though i was bigger than him.my brother,not the one that raped me,stopped me hitting my dad back and to this day i am glad he did.i have a hidden hate for my dad and weve hardly spoken in the last 3 years because i managed to break away from him and his large family.in a way im the black sheep of the family now but i dont care,nobody knows what i suffered at the hands of him and my brother,my mom knows dad hit me alot but she knows nothing else,i wont tell her because i dont want to hurt her emotionally.i dont hold anything against my mom for not stopping my dad,for one she was never in the same room when he done it,and secondly my dad was the army boxing champion for three consecutive years,if,and i only say IF he had turned on her he would have killed her.i have the utmost respect for my dad with some things he done in his life but i also hate him for what he done to me.i wasnt a great kid,in fact i was probably a nightmare(read my last post)but kids dont deserve to be beaten,not to the extent he beat me.i had mental problems because of my brother.but maybe i pushed him too far.who knows,i never will.all i know is he never raised a finger to my brothers,but then,they didnt get raped by their own brother.
    im sorry,that just kind of flowed out,i dont think it will help you because i probably deserved what i got.you didnt and there is no doubt about that,you didnt deserve any of it.if i can help in any way please pm me and i will do my best to help you get by.
     
  11. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    its not your fault that any of this happened to you, and I'm sorry that you think it is. Its never a child's fault and although you probably didn't consider yourself a child when you were 16, like I don't now (I'm 14), you were a child, and you didn't deserve any of the stuff that happened to you.
     
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