Ok, here's the situation. It was a weekend. festival in my town, all people, including me, drunk. Later I met a girl that took me to the party. Dancing, and screwing around. blah blah blah. the scene came down on me and couple of people in my apartment on 5 pills of xanax mixed with alcohol. I got pissed off on music so i shut down my computer and than the bad scene started. All people got mad at me and ran away. I felt so alone and hated in the moment.I started crying. I wanted to talk to them so I went to that bar where they all gone to speek with them. They were all like at me. When I came back home my father was there, and noticed i used his pills for fun. He strated throwing my cellphone and things round the house. I got really mad. Damn I beat my dad up in that moment... damn he is in mid 50s. Than I went to sleep, I woke up and remembered wtf I did, so I ran away, drove a bike to the river, lay on the grass to relax. but nothing works fine now. Im home now and can't sleep. I don't know who to talk to cause actually I have no real friend to share my feelings.I can't even say nothing to my dad. I'm so empty with no emotions. I can't cry, can't smile, can't talk. All day I am thinking about suicide. I know the main problem is in alcohol and drugs, and that I should talk to my dad, but i have no courage. I really don't need any help. maybe all I need is a few consolation words. Thats the scene from the weekend. But its not the first time I feel depressed. Its basically all the time. Dad and mom arguing most of the time about some "stupid things", and all I do is not saying anything. I just go out and get drunk, like that is the solution. I now its not. Outside home, I have no friends, I can't talk to people, I'm scared and paranoid. EDIT: I can talk to people but its all just rubbish like: "how was your day/school", "whats up", stupid jokes.... All I need is a person that can listen to my problems and say something to me, hug me, comfort me. Now I'm watching Alice in Chains and Radiohead videos on youtube and despair. :sad: Just wanted to share this with someone, although I don't even know you guys. Peace.