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My Dad is Coming Out of Prison

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#1
13 and a half years. And he's coming out.

I felt anxious waking up, it's like I KNEW. Mum just told me he's coming out and is telling Ali tomorrow after I told her she needs to. I don't know where to go to. I'm in shock. I thought we'd find out the hearing date first and then this. No. Fuck the families and keeping them informed apparently.

If I was anxious before I don't know what this is. Fear. Pure fear. I don't know what to do. How am I gonna do anything? What if he finds out where I live, what if he turns up at the university? He's not allowed a phone, he's not allowed technology, but fuck me if he won't access it at all, his mum will give it to him.

What the hell do I do?
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#3
Sorry that this is happening.

SF is here for you, so you can always turn to us for support.

Do you know that actual release date?

You might want to try contacting Women's Aid, www.womensaid.org.uk

They may be able to tell you what legal protections are available to you, or give other advice.

Hugs
Thank you. Do not know exact date, we have been told "any day now". Feels like theyre messing with us on purpose, to be honest.

I will contact Women's Aid, thank you.

Sending hugs

Em
 
#4
In the UK, I think you can defend yourself with an item that you are carrying, but you can't carry an item for the purpose of self-defense. So if you had knee pain, you might be able to use a cane, and also use it for self-defense if you needed to, but you couldn't carry it for that purpose.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
*hug I'm sorry Em, I know this is awful for you. Do you have an order of protection against him? It might be helpful to talk to someone on the parole board in order to understand what restrictions he will have and what protections are available to you.
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#6
In the UK, I think you can defend yourself with an item that you are carrying, but you can't carry an item for the purpose of self-defense. So if you had knee pain, you might be able to use a cane, and also use it for self-defense if you needed to, but you couldn't carry it for that purpose.
That's interesting and good to know. Thank you. So in theory, I could carry an umbrella with me in case it rains (I know, silly image, but better than nothing).

*hug I'm sorry Em, I know this is awful for you. Do you have an order of protection against him? It might be helpful to talk to someone on the parole board in order to understand what restrictions he will have and what protections are available to you.
Thank you. I do, he's allowed no contact. Just very worried he has nothing worth it outside of prison anyway and will not be bothered about breaking the rules.

The only protections we have are a zone around my home at home, not uni, and a no-contact. He's not allowed access to phones, laptops, etc. but also the Internet I think.

Sending hugs

Em
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#7
That's interesting and good to know. Thank you. So in theory, I could carry an umbrella with me in case it rains (I know, silly image, but better than nothing).
Hey, people use umbrellas for the sun too. At least they do around here, maybe you don't get enough sun to worry about that, haha.
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#8
Considering how quickly the weather can turn in the UK, it's quite reasonable to carry an umbrella around just in case. Many people do. Usually a small one in a handbag or something but at least it's something. It's not much but it might help you feel a little safer. I would also suggest maybe letting the uni know so that they can be aware that there could be trouble on their grounds. If nothing else it gives them a heads up and lets the powers that be know that there might be a problem.

I hope there won't be. I hope he keeps far away from you.

Be safe.
 

Sunspots

Pffffeckn amazin
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#9
Oh Em, I'm so sorry, I know how much you've been dreading this.
It's probably worth carrying a police approved rape alarm. They're incredibly loud and would definitely draw attention from people around if you needed help.
Does his mum know where you live?
*hug
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#10
Hey, people use umbrellas for the sun too. At least they do around here, maybe you don't get enough sun to worry about that, haha.
Haha, that made me laugh to be fair. Sun in the North of England? I never!

Considering how quickly the weather can turn in the UK, it's quite reasonable to carry an umbrella around just in case. Many people do. Usually a small one in a handbag or something but at least it's something. It's not much but it might help you feel a little safer. I would also suggest maybe letting the uni know so that they can be aware that there could be trouble on their grounds. If nothing else it gives them a heads up and lets the powers that be know that there might be a problem.

I hope there won't be. I hope he keeps far away from you.

Be safe.
Yeah, it would be a good idea. I've emailed the university so hopefully they'll get back to me. If I was staying in halls, it'd be easier, but I've rented my own place which has its ups and downs. If it was a huge place it'd feel safer but the place I go really isn't big at all.

Oh Em, I'm so sorry, I know how much you've been dreading this.
It's probably worth carrying a police approved rape alarm. They're incredibly loud and would definitely draw attention from people around if you needed help.
Does his mum know where you live?
*hug
That's a great idea, I will look into that. No, we've just moved thankfully, so he nor his mum know where we live back home. I am worried about uni though - I'm unsure if she knows where I study. I had it on Facebook publicly for a while, which she has sent me a "friend request" on a long while back. I've since removed any personal info and blocked her but unsure if she's seen it and remembered it which worries me. I'm thankful she won't know where Ali is.

Thank you all of you

Sending hugs

Em
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#11
Hi Em,

I would've thought the probation service would've given you beforehand his release dates and the terms of his release including restrictions placed on him. As already mentioned, Women's Aid would be the a good first point of call to help with your concerns.

Obviously this has come to a shock, and so my thoughts are with you.
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#12
Hi Em,

I would've thought the probation service would've given you beforehand his release dates and the terms of his release including restrictions placed on him. As already mentioned, Women's Aid would be the a good first point of call to help with your concerns.

Obviously this has come to a shock, and so my thoughts are with you.
Haha, apparently not. In fact, we found out through my dad's brother (who wants nothing to do with him). He works in the police and monitors it. He told my Mum, she rang them, and they said "oh yeah, we should've told you, sorry!". They have given us the terms of his release though, at least, just no date. Genuinely a joke. I get we're not the most prominent case but a 10 minute phone call wouldn't have hurt.

Will definitely get in touch with Women's Aid, thank you.

Sending hugs

Em
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#13
Haha, apparently not. In fact, we found out through my dad's brother (who wants nothing to do with him). He works in the police and monitors it. He told my Mum, she rang them, and they said "oh yeah, we should've told you, sorry!". They have given us the terms of his release though, at least, just no date. Genuinely a joke. I get we're not the most prominent case but a 10 minute phone call wouldn't have hurt.

Will definitely get in touch with Women's Aid, thank you.

Sending hugs

Em
Good idea on getting into contact with them, they may be able to help steer you in a direction based on the circumstances and laws in place. Wishing you the best.
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
SF Supporter
#14
In the UK, I think you can defend yourself with an item that you are carrying, but you can't carry an item for the purpose of self-defense. So if you had knee pain, you might be able to use a cane, and also use it for self-defense if you needed to, but you couldn't carry it for that purpose.
I think I have knee pain. Not to make light of the situation, I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you continue coming here for support.
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#15
Good idea on getting into contact with them, they may be able to help steer you in a direction based on the circumstances and laws in place. Wishing you the best.
Thank you very much

I think I have knee pain. Not to make light of the situation, I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you continue coming here for support.
Haha, no, I might develop some knee pain soon. Thank you.

Sending hugs
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#16
If you have wasps in the UK... bring around a can of wasp spray as those buggers are no fun to be played with. Just in case its only a bug spray? Will that be allowed? Those can hurt like dickens to the eyes and have long stream. @may71 what you think?

That was one of the ideas thrown about here in my state where gun/ammo permits being screwed up by the pandemic for people to defend thenselves against rioters.
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#17
If you have wasps in the UK... bring around a can of wasp spray as those buggers are no fun to be played with. Just in case its only a bug spray? Will that be allowed? Those can hurt like dickens to the eyes and have long stream. @may71 what you think?

That was one of the ideas thrown about here in my state where gun/ammo permits being screwed up by the pandemic for people to defend thenselves against rioters.
That's a smart idea! If I can I absolutely will. Thanks!

Sending hugs

Em
 
#18
I think the way it works in the UK is that if she is carrying wasp spray, she would have to be doing it because she is concerned about wasps and intends to use it to control wasps. If she happened to be endangered, and she used wasp spray to defend herself, that might be ok, but she could not carry wasp spray for the purpose of self-defense. If she were stopped by a police officer, she might be questioned about why she was carrying wasp spray.
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#19
Only things I could think of is if you wear a hat, is a hat pin. You wearing a hat with the pin through it they would have to prove it was carried to defend yourself and it is just reach up and yank it out. That or toss knitting material in a purse and carrying knitting needle. But it is foreign to me that you can't carrying a weapon to defend yourself. Just a different culture from the United States. I have a permit to carry a firearm which is handy on some of the pasture land I get on because of wild hogs. Also typically a specific knife, but in many countries you just can't do that regardless of how much you may be worried about your safety.
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#20
Only things I could think of is if you wear a hat, is a hat pin. You wearing a hat with the pin through it they would have to prove it was carried to defend yourself and it is just reach up and yank it out. That or toss knitting material in a purse and carrying knitting needle. But it is foreign to me that you can't carrying a weapon to defend yourself. Just a different culture from the United States. I have a permit to carry a firearm which is handy on some of the pasture land I get on because of wild hogs. Also typically a specific knife, but in many countries you just can't do that regardless of how much you may be worried about your safety.
I do knit! So that could be good actually! Thank you :) interesting about the culture differences too!

Sending hugs
 

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