My Dad

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by zoe93, Oct 18, 2010.

  1. zoe93

    zoe93 New Member

    I'm 17.
    When I was 15 my Dad committed suicide.
    Looking back, me and my Mum always thought he was bipolar.
    But just before he died he got an overactive thyroid problem.
    They put him on loads of drugs which just messed with his mind.
    He became withdrawn and unlike himself.
    I then distanced myself from him and his hospital appointments etc.
    On the Monday at lunchtime, before he died, my Mum told me suicide watch or whatever had come round and said my Dad was at risk.
    By the evening, he was no longer at risk and was 'fine'.
    That Friday, after my Mum thought she'd taken the keys to the xxx cabinet (They used to do clay pigeon shooting), in the morning he went outside to the shed where he worked and xxxx himself.
    Everyday, almost every single moment of the day, I think of him.
    It's like a physical pain.
    Before he died, I was depressed for other reasons (I know, I was 14-15, what do I have to be depressed about? I still don't know) so not only that, but my Dad doing this, I'm a bit messed up.
    If you saw me I'd probably be the last person you'd think who'd be depressed. It's not that I hide it, it just doesn't always 'come out'.
    I think things are getting worse and I don't think its just depression anymore.
    I'm scared, but I'm fine.
    Anyway, I'm rambling. I've never done anything like this before so I thought I'd try it :cow:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2010
  2. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    hey Zoe
    i really feel for you!
    and right now wanna give you a massive hug :)
    u have every right to feel the way you do :) if you ever wanna talk im here :)
    im told im a good listener hehe <3
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You are not your dad and you have the opportunity for a wonderful life...please go out and live it...J
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you lost your Dad Zoe....grief after suicide is a terrible thing..
    I'm glad you opened up to us....
    are you seeing a doctor / having therapy?
  5. fabian

    fabian Member

    Hey zoe, im 21 now but my dad killed himself when I was 14. I dont know what to say but stay strong :)

    If you ever feel like talking, feel free to message me... Xx