It was 13 days after my 14th birthday, just a normal night and then it happened... 2 of my uncles knocked on my door around 6am and I remember waking up to my mum screaming 'wake up, wake up, oh my god something has happened to your dad' she knew instantly why my uncles were there. They came in and my mum asked what happened they told me and my brother to sit down and then my mum said 'he's not dead is he' they replied 'im sorry' and she let out the loudest most haunting scream I have ever heard in my life. Then she ran up stairs to call my Nan and I swear to God these words will haunt me for the rest of my life 'Mum he's dead, Tony's dead!' - I was so scared, I didn't understand or knew what was going on, I was only 14... It was so surreal, like it wasn't happening. It got worse when I got to the family house where all of my Italian family were... I remember being physically sick due to all of the people that were there and the things that they were doing. Being a Catholic family the things that people were doing were so... you know, animated and full on. Looking back now I understand that the family wanted me there close but for a 14 year old to be around that much pain and suffering, I don't know, doesn't seem like the best way to help your child deal with the sudden suicide of his father... But it happened and made me who I am now I suppose. Anyway I could go on and on in this post about the whole ordeal but its long. I think I am a fairly strong and logical person now due the experiences I have been through but I guess I am who I am because I have learnt the hard way... I don't really think about my Dad too much anymore... But I am almost certain he has been watching and looking after me. Some weird things have happened in my life, like sort of, situations I have been in that were potentially so dangerous and I have come out of them unharmed due to things that have linked these situations to him... Its hard to explain but I definitely know he looks after me!? What do you think... is he protecting me?