My Dad

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by fabian, Dec 16, 2010.

  1. fabian

    fabian Member

    It was 13 days after my 14th birthday, just a normal night and then it happened...

    2 of my uncles knocked on my door around 6am and I remember waking up to my mum screaming 'wake up, wake up, oh my god something has happened to your dad' she knew instantly why my uncles were there. They came in and my mum asked what happened they told me and my brother to sit down and then my mum said 'he's not dead is he' they replied 'im sorry' and she let out the loudest most haunting scream I have ever heard in my life. Then she ran up stairs to call my Nan and I swear to God these words will haunt me for the rest of my life 'Mum he's dead, Tony's dead!' - I was so scared, I didn't understand or knew what was going on, I was only 14... It was so surreal, like it wasn't happening.

    It got worse when I got to the family house where all of my Italian family were... I remember being physically sick due to all of the people that were there and the things that they were doing. Being a Catholic family the things that people were doing were so... you know, animated and full on. Looking back now I understand that the family wanted me there close but for a 14 year old to be around that much pain and suffering, I don't know, doesn't seem like the best way to help your child deal with the sudden suicide of his father... But it happened and made me who I am now I suppose.

    Anyway I could go on and on in this post about the whole ordeal but its long. I think I am a fairly strong and logical person now due the experiences I have been through but I guess I am who I am because I have learnt the hard way...

    I don't really think about my Dad too much anymore... But I am almost certain he has been watching and looking after me. Some weird things have happened in my life, like sort of, situations I have been in that were potentially so dangerous and I have come out of them unharmed due to things that have linked these situations to him... Its hard to explain but I definitely know he looks after me!?

    What do you think... is he protecting me?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I do believe I too am being watched over...I have had many signs from friends and loved ones...maybe I need this...maybe it is true, but I do not brings me comfort...I have their love with me in ways I find fufilling, and it gets me through life events I would never otherwise get through...angels, superstition...who cares? It works for me!
  3. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    my dad died on xmas day 1997, i miss him so much it hurts. especially at this time of year.
  4. mdb75

    mdb75 New Member

    Fabian, your Dad is definitely watching over you. That is what father's do for their children. Even though he is gone from earth, he is still very close to you.
  5. fabian

    fabian Member

    It's been over 2 years since I posted this fucking thread and I feel as though people including my family have started to resent me even more, I never saw it personally before but I'm starting to believe I'm growing into being a poisonous person.

    What's the fucking point? All this pressure and bullshit, how would they feel if I fucking went through with it and attempted suicide? Then maybe they'd think twice about poking their nose in my shit and telling me what to do.

    I'm starting to think that the reaction from everyone who has opinion on my life would be the fucking icing on the cake if I went through with this. It's absolutely not the soul reason why I'd bother but to try and make everyone understand, to me anyway, is tempting.

    Fuck off and deal with your own shit instead of being so hostile to me! Even my own grandmother has started calling me fat, waste of space, lazy etc etc! No wonder my old man screwed himself over!

    Bitch, to me that's the final nail in the coffin!
  6. king66

    king66 New Member

    hey man.. dont do anything to crazy.. I know what you've gone through dude.. my dad committed suicide too.. i can honestly say i have had short lived thoughts of suicide since my dad died.. it would be so easy, and it all would just be over and i wouldn't have any more sadness.. but i know i could never do that to my brothers, ever.. suicide is forever. once you do it, it can never be taken back. you only have one life man, live it for yourself and the people you love. don't let shitheads get you down..