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my dad

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#1
ok so im new to this and dont know what to do. basiclly my dad commited suicide two years ago. i live a three hour drive from my family and was able to carry on as nothing happened. i went through loads s h i t with work etc at the time and jut sort of blocked it out. when it happened my mam and sisters were visiting for the weekend, i know if they had not have been it would never of happened so i killed him really. anyway i got married last august and it hit me really bad and i have slumped into severe depression and habe anxiety issues. i just cant seem to cope. i have been referred to a crisis home help team twice and have been on two different meds and still cant cope. not a day goes by when i dont think of him and want to end it all. i have done some pretty wierd stuff and now am cutting. i know i shouldnt but it feels good that i cant stop. i been off work since oct and my marriage is already going down the pan since i cant express how i feel verbally. im angry all the time then sad. i never saw this coming and dont know what else to do i have tried everything. im on two waiting lists for counselling but dont know how that will help as i cant talk about things i feel really stupid. any advice will be great
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
Just want to say hi also to say grief is like that it will hit you when you don't expect it too. Girief councelling helps you cope with the pain You know your dad would not want this for you right this sadness. If you are struggling then go to hospital and sign yourself in for help for a few days until you can get stable. sometimes it takes a long time to find the right medication that can help with depression Keep taking here okay let the pain out here the tears the anger let them out with words here. that help too hugs
I am so sorry for your loss of your dad but with right professional help you can get out of this darkness you are in hugs
 

itmahanh

Senior Member & Antiquities Friend
#3
I know why you cut. I do too. Gives you a sense of control. Helps to cover up the real pain. But it is so fleeting. There is group therapy for those suffering from loss. And even if you feel like you cant talk, there are others there that have or are suffering just like you are now. You can just sit and listen. I've been to ones for those suffering mental health issues. I thought I would never voice a word. But you become so comfortable, a sense of belonging, that eventually I took my turn to share. They also offer resources that you may not be aware of.
There is also here. Keep posting. Others understand and want to help get you through this.
 
#4
hey there,

I don't think that you are at fault for your dad's death. The real problem was that he wanted to kill himself in the first place. He could have done it at any time, another occasion.

Working on expressing what you feel might help. Maybe you could also try expressing how you feel through art?

There are people on here with kids who are thinking about suicide. Maybe you can express to them how painful it has been for you to lose your dad.
 
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