My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please help?!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by INFERIOR LADY, Jan 12, 2014.

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Mothers and Fathers do you love/like or hate/dislike your Daughters?

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  2. Hate/Dislike

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  1. INFERIOR LADY

    INFERIOR LADY Active Member

    I apologize for the immature title everyone I know that stronger women wouldn't call her Father Daddy like I just did mine but after all I am a weakling. I didn't know where exactly to post this about parent child relationships so I put it here, I hope this is okay? Too the thread issue I go.
    I MISS MY DADDY! Gosh I miss Him so much! I miss Him so much it hurts me deep down to the core of my soul! I'm crying about it now as I type like I have been sense I moved out of my parents house! It hurts even worse now people! I need my Daddy back in my life again soo bad please help me get him back?! My Daddy is the # 1 first Man I have ever fell in LOVE with! I don't need another mans love if I could get my Daddy's love back! Whenever I'd get scared, depressed, or hurt my physical body, I'd cry Daddy NOT mommy! My Daddy loved, nurtured, protected, and for the most part encouraged me on many of my passions, dreams, and endeavours ever sense I was a little girl! He was so sweet to me that when I was a newborn baby until the time I was about two years old He'd shave his course mustache off so He could kiss me without hurting my sensitive face! I'd see pictures of my Daddy kissing and hugging me all smiles and no mustache, He looked so happy cuddling his little princess! My Daddy was so super zuper sweet He even had "Tea Parties' with me when I was only a little girl! MOST Fathers would NEVER have tea parties with their daughters, heck most MOTHERS wouldn't either! I love my Dad so much that when I was a child and teenager spending the weekends or school breaks with Him I would cry to Him hysterically telling Him how I didn't want to go back to mommy and about how much I love Him and would rather live with Him instead! He would always embrace me back let me cry his flannel shirts wet, tell me He loves me, and that He wished I could live with Him instead but that it was not possible. Whenever I hear the words Daddy/Dadeeo/Dad and even Father I get beautiful peaceful comforting blissful feelings all thanks to my own Daddy! I wouldn't say I have "ELECTRA COMPLEX" but I still do love and cherish me Daddy still so much! My Daddy is an angel on my one shoulder and my mommy (sarcasm when I type "mommy") is a demona on my other shoulder! I hate to hear the word mom etc... because of the trauma I get from those trigger worlds thanks to the all the physical, sexual, emotional, and financial abuse caused by my mom! And I HATE my mom so much for all the LIES she spread about my very own precious Daddy to me! Anyway about why I think my Daddy hates me now.
    I think he started hating me after my suicide attempt when I was 16. And over the years his hatred would increase more and more I could just tell. I can't go into specifics as the specifics may deeply anger, hurt, and even trigger suicide to others and I will NOT allow that to happen to some one else. The guilt would be too much to bear. I have enough guilt about myself and I don't want the guilt of causing another person to relapse due to pain brought on by me! But why did My daddy have to start being that way to me?! He thinks I'm inferior and gross now too because I'm a girl! All thanks too that "good book"!? He'd tell me a bunch of misogynist things like how the man is the head, the alpha, leader, dominate, and king of his home even above me! He would get upset when I would tell him how I never cared to get married and have biological children of my own. He would say that girls growing up should want that becuz that is the woman's role to grow up, marry a man take his last name, be submissive and bare children especially sons too keep the mans last name going on. He even said that both parents NEED sons to carry on the families last name and daughters aren't needed but are just optional offspring if desired after making sure sons or a son the necessity is born! No woman could or should keep her last name My own Daddy and mother, and most people say because she wouldn't be a good submissive wife and good role model to her daughters wounding her husbands masculine pride! They'd get angry at me for wanting to keep my last name in marriage and for not wanting to take my never to be husbands last name! My daddy would get angry at me for wanting to adopt instead of bare children because then part of His bloodline wouldn't be passed down! My Daddy even started demeaning me calling me stupid, unintelligent, incapable, immature, emotional and moody. I swear he thinks I'm disgusting physically too! Before I moved out I remember walking up too Him to give him a kiss on the cheek or a hug and most of those times he'd either rush through it or not hug me back! Does my own Daddy who use to love me think I'm that gross now?! He looked grossed out like I was some filthy stinky woman about too contaminate him! Most of the time that was going on when I would tell Him that I love Him He wouldn't say He loved me back! He looked annoyed most of the time when I told Him that I love Him?!
    I do admit that some of this is my fault though. I wasn't always the most pleasant person to live with because of all my emotional and physical pain and suffering problems. So I would get grouchy and annoying and emotional sometimes! But WHY did my own once loving accepting Daddy have to start treating me like some vulgar woman?! Did He think I lied when I told Him I love Him? Is that why He would get annoyed and not tell me He loves me back? Or did He really not love me anymore?! Did He really think I was that gross to even hug me His own Daughter back?! :frown-new:
    I would even make sure He had a nice warm hardy meal to come home to and keep his dinner glass full for Him. I kept His close and bedding washed and his and my moms bed made. I made him his favourite desserts. I kept a his favourite tea brewed in the fridge at most times. I bought Him beautiful thoughtful Birthday Cards Fathers Day cards and presents when I could afford it. I wanted to start doing fun stuff with Him like nature photography, fishing, and hiking etc... but he didn't seem too enthused. He stopped going for those Father/Daughter outings with me even when I told Him I'd pay for it this time.
    Sorry for this dreadfully long thread I must end it now I don't have more time to type about it now. I need to go do my household chores as of now. But will somebody anybody PLEASE HELP ME EARN MY DADDYS LOVE AGAIN?! Please I NEED HIM, I NEED MY DADDY! I need to work my way into His precious heart again! I feel so much guilt for my precious Daddy hating me! I feel like a VILE WOMAN because my Daddy thinks I'm too disgusting to hug back like I have some disease that I'm gonna spread to him! :yuck: Please tell me how I may be my Daddy's daring again?! I love, miss, and need Him again! :hug:
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    Perhaps the best thing to do would be to talk to him. Tell him of what's happening in terms of the dynamic of the relationship. How he is making you feel. What you've done to show your love, and his ice-cold responses in return. Above all else you must be convincing on a communicative level. And what I mean by that, is believable. One absolute must is to be clear. Articulate. Conjuring up the emotions of the story--or what's gone on between the two of you--doesn't sound like it's going to be a weak point. So focus on the factual elements of the narrative (for want of a better word). Lastly...& this is just a wild guess, if you're being viewed as playing the part of a wife/girlfriend/lover - or companion (equals), even if only emotionally, then this could be a problem. As in: uncomfortable; confusing. Let him tell you why he is acting this way and then you can adjust your behavior accordingly! Also--You may just have to get used to "agreeing to disagree" with the differences in opinion on womens' roles in society. If that's his firm belief, and you in turn cannot be okay with it, friction could continue to exist. We don't always have to be right when it comes to family members (as though we're standing up defending ourselves in the court of law), but we do have to respect one another. Good luck & best wishes.:)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 12, 2014
  3. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    it may or may not have to do with you quite honsetly. for example... my dad turned off his love for the most part for both me and my sister when my mom died, and he still will not open that part of himself back up again ... simiply b/c he's afraid of being hurt again as badly as he was hurt when mom died. i tried to write him a nice long letter explaining how i felt about everything that had happened since that time, accepting blame for my parts in it and just asking him to recognize that it happened, he didn't have to apologize, but just recognize and acknowledge "yes, i did that" , but he could not even do that.... sometimes there is pain that we are not aware of that afffects ppl too deeply. i suggest you try talking to him, but it may be that he's hurting in ways you do not fully undertsand and if thats the case he won't be able to give you what you need.... i hope he is able to tho
     
  4. INFERIOR LADY

    INFERIOR LADY Active Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    Dear MisterBGone may I please ask if you too have a daughter? I hope I'm not being too personal but if you do have a daughter then will you please tell me how she makes you feel? Happy? Sad? or Angry? Do you love or hate her? Please don't be offended by me asking I just really need to know exactly how and why both parents of daughters feel the way(s) they do about their daughters? I know that most parents hate their little girls even in America and most parents around the world only want sons. The statistical research on this matter broke my heart! In my family alone many of the moms who gave birth to their own daughters would call her newborn baby girls derogatory names and say their daughters grossed them out because little girls are dirty and little boys aren't. I have read that fathers of mostly or even worse only daughters would hate their daughters for killing his masculinity and both parents would consider their daughters curses. Most parents do think their daughters are disgusting and inferior to their sons and other men and I guess my own daddy finally started agreeing with them and is starting to catch up on the mistake he made of loving me. Female infanticide is very high in other extremely mysoginist countries. I know most people would love to be able to choose the sex of their children so they could have sons. I know it's painful to grasp for me but most baby girls are not daddy's little princess but rather daddy's little filthiness! Just like we are to our moms. I wish it did NOT have to be that way though! I however my entire life have been 100% Androgynous and am not feminine or masculine, I am not girlie or tomboyish, I am not one of the gals or one of the guys. I am not even a little bit of a woman or a man just a biological human female who is precisely absolutely undeniably an ANDROGYNE or an Androgynist Extraordinnaire as I like to call myself proudly and loudly with no apology or need for conformity! But I do realize that I am stuck in a gender based world and that is never gonna change. There will always be gender based hatred and segregation. It just hurts when parents start beating their gender based hatred into their own daughters and yes even their sons too! Why can't parents raise both their sons and daughters as exact 100% equals to each other?! I know that sexism goes both ways! Masculinist's and Feminist's are both equally responsible for damaging their precious daughter and sons minds, bodies, dreams, and individuality. Gender destroys both biological sexes! However the truth remains the same, to most people their very own daughters are just plain and simply dirty! :sick:
     
  5. INFERIOR LADY

    INFERIOR LADY Active Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    I am sorry demuredawn. I know it hurts really bad doesn't it?! After reading your helpful reply I don't think i'll even bother going through the pain of emailing my Daddy. Oh gosh I miss him though and I know he's hurting like I am but I don't wanna open myself up for more pain too! :fear: You may be right about him my dad? He might not hate me or think I'm disgusting only my mom is and sense I am sadly my moms child he sees me in her and gets full of hate and disgust? Just not at me per say right? Still it hurts me to no end though regardless of why he thinks and is treating me that way! I feel vile and like a no class citizen enough and I don't need others in my life to enforce it! At least I had a Daddy growing up some kids don't. I am glad he loved me and not hated me back then like he does now. I am so great full he never beat or abused me in anyway like my mom did! I just wish now though that I woulda been aborted, miscarried, or been a son?! Even though I'm an Androgyne, gender based abuse still freaking hurts me and makes me feel repulsive, ashamed, guilty, and embarrassed. THANK YOU GENDER! Are you happy and proud of all the hatred you caused?! :mad2:
     
  6. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    Hello INFERIORLADY: No. I don't have any kids or a daughter. But if I did I'd probably worship & spoil her until the day I die! I'm quite certain, in fact, that she'd have the ability to melt me with a glance..:) I'm very sorry you have developed the view that you have on women and their place in a family and society. I just want you to know that this isn't a widely held view in The (United) States where I come from. Now, I'm probably not going to be able to change your mind on that for now, but the point is this--it doesn't really matter what anybody else thinks, it's only what your Father believes. Like I said before, the best thing to do, what I would do if I were in your shoes (assuming you truly do want to know), is to ask him! It can be as simple as beginning with a one sentence statement or question. See how he answers it, and then continue. And so on, and so forth... I guess that if you don't talk to him you'll never know the real reasons as to why things are the way they are. But either way, you'll learn something. And could it possibly get any worse? It sounds pretty bad as is; that is, thinking one thing--but still with some uncertainty. Again, it is your right to decide. If you haven't the strength for the truth, then maybe wait until you find the time and the courage to do it. I sort of see three or four general possibilities: He can tell you you're right. He can tell you you're wrong. Or something-somewhere in between. Of course he can also tell you nothing at all (no response). Be very kind to yourself, o.k.! :) Sincerely, Mr. B
     
  7. INFERIOR LADY

    INFERIOR LADY Active Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    If you would be able to love you daughter then that is rare for sure. I am too from America and observe a lot of the terrible things parents say about their daughters, both parents are guilty of this. All the derogatory insults, the lack of love when they look at her for them thinking how she'll turn out, putting her down saying she's incapable of any greatness that only their sons and other men can be etc...! All of the derogatory names and repulsive sexually explicit insults I heard both parents say about their own newborn or very young daughters calling her the "C" word the "S" word "B" word etc... Makes me nauseous and makes me burst into tears! The only reason most parents settle for daughters is so she can continue to bare and rear children and serve her family and then her husband!
    No offense MisterBgone I just don't understand how you or any other parent could claim to love and respect your daughters or would be daughters if she would only be raised to feel more stupid, weak, emotional, and incompetent than that of your sons and other men? I don't think you or anyone else would like all these stupid demeaning gender roles reversed would you? Men being told that they are stupid, weak, emotional and incompetent? Limiting him to a submissive house husband? No you and most people would not! So why should every woman like and embrace those insults and belittling and obedient life style? I get talked down too like I have no brain at all and only stupid feelings because I have ovaries and not testies. I get called weak, cowardly, and incompetent too because of my ovaries. It is rather very freaking annoying and humiliating to me! I have a brain and I can use it to rationalize and think logically and practically.
    So I know that gender destroys both biological sexes separating both men and women like some freaky foreign species from each other like both sexes have xenophobia of the other sex and can't understand each other or notice are many SIMILARITIES we both share?! Gender is flawed and demeaning to both parties and needs to be stopped so both sexes can fully respect each other and be free to do what they wish with out being mocked or abused! Androgyny is the only cure for gender and the inequality it abuses both biological sexes with! Sure males and females have slightly different biological make ups but innately we are all them same and have the same needs and should be treated with equal respect. It is society of all the world that pounds internal differences and expectations in the child(ren) and the destruction is fully evident!
    Thank you for responding MisterBGone to my last reply I appreciate it. If you do ever have a daughter and would truly love and respect her like most parents are not capable of then I respect you completely. I have seen that a lot of little girls are hopelessly in love with their daddy's even if the love is not returned. but most children are like that with both parents most times though. However as regarding everything exceptions do take place.
     
  8. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    its up to you if you want to send the email or not... may be he doesn't realize the hurt you are in and is just stuck in his own pain/world ... and if that's the case, it may or may not "wake him up" and bring him back to you. the whole point i wanted to emphasize tho is if you do tell him about your hurt, you need to be prepared that he still may not take notice of it and/or push it away as if its non-important, or he may simply reject you and tell you all kinds of hurtful things in response. in either of these cases, you need to be prepared to just "back off" ... because if you push it after that, you will just get more pain in return. so its up to you if you wish to try to mend fences knowing it could cause more pain to come your way (so be sure that you are prepared to handle that pain if it does). i am sorry you suffered abuse at all. is there anything you enjoy that can take your mind off your relationship with your parents?
     
  9. INFERIOR LADY

    INFERIOR LADY Active Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    Thank you again demuredawn. Yes there are plenty of things I enjoy that could take my mind off my parents relationship I used to have with them, if only I had the means to do them! I enjoy Science especially Astronomy/Astrophysics, I love creative writing and drawing, Kickboxing, Androgyny Activism, G.L.B.T. rights movement, I support Children's Rights, and Animal Rights, wow so yes I have plenty of passions and interests! I just wish I could go out and do them all! Too much money, brain, skill, and talent I could ever acquire most likely? I hope not though!
     
  10. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    drawing and creative writing you can do easily either on the computer or irl ... for very cheap, most of the movements and support of various rights you have mentioned have links you can go to online too in order to help them with things and etc... kickboxing and astronomy/astrophysics can be a lil more expensive unless you know the right people... but you can find like dvd's and etc you can purchase to play on your computer and help you with those things too for relatively cheap.... i suggest you do what you can within your budget in order to keep your focus off your parents... and enjoy yourself a bit too...
     
  11. INFERIOR LADY

    INFERIOR LADY Active Member

    Re: My daddy hates me but i love him what can i do to earn his love back?! Please hel

    Thanks for all the helpful replies demuredawn. I sure can benefit from them. I think I can reply here again without crying for now. What is an irl? I used to take kick boxing before I move out and I still miss it. But my working Father and Brother took me back then and I will not have my brother take me now, he works late evenings and early mornings. I won't inconvenience him like that again. I just wish cabs weren't so much here or that the buses ran later or the kick boxing classes took place in the hours the buses ran! But I do have fibromialgya so taking kick boxing again would be quite painful indeed. I should really start small I guess. Like maybe stretching and walking for starters then go up to jogging light weights and increase gradually until I can kick box again? But yes I must start with crawling until I'm strong enough to walk again. :crushed: Now creative writing and freehand drawing i would LOVE to get working on soon! So many stories, plots. characters, beautifully emotionally moving themes and scenes , eccentric personalities forbidden genres, so much to show and so little time to do it! Must start now! Can't wait till at least one graphic novel and manga manuscript is fully typed and edited even before being sent off to publish. Heck even the first chapter of just the graphic novel alone would be superb! :happysmiles: