My Dad's just passed on

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Crue-K, Apr 14, 2009.

  1. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    My ex wife rang me about half hour ago, my Dad has died, he died at 4.30 earlier today. I have previously posted about how I hadn't spoken or seen him for nearly 3 years and I had an awful lot of animosity towards him. He has had cancer for the past year and it was getting a lot worse, I contemplated seeing him and had lots of good advice from people here about doing so. The ironic thing is, I was due to travel down to Liverpool on Thursday to visit my kids and I was going to go and visit him and make peace. So, he's died and we never made up, I didn't think it would bother me but it does, I have not been able to cry about it but I am genuinely upset that he's died. I'll still be going down to see my kids anyway as no doubt they will be devastated I just hope I don't bump into any other family members.

  2. Scars and Memories

    Scars and Memories Account Closed

  3. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i am so sorry for your loss. at least the thought was there on your side to see him and i really hope that that is at least of some comfort to you.

    thinking of you x
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    My condolences and so sorry you could not make peace with takes a while for things to be felt after a loss like this...big hugs, J
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    As long as you carry him in your heart he will always be with you.. You really need to attend the funeral. To hell with anyone who might think you should not be there.. You need to go so you will have closure and so you can talk to him.. I truly beleive he will hear you..My own dad and me hadn't gotten along in years. I did have the chance to burry the hatchet between us.. I can truly understand what you must be thinking.. Don't blame yourself for not setting things straight. The main thing is you had every intention in doing so. That was good enough, i'm sure you will find the right words when you are at the funeral when you get a chance to be alone with him then speak your peice..I am truly sorry to hear of your loss..Keep your head up and just be yourself...
  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Graham: So truly sorry to hear of your dad's passing. I think I responded to your question about whether to make peace with him with my own story about my dad. Anyway, the bottom line is that you know what your intentions were and what your other family members think should have no effect on you. Don't be too hard on yourself; you're a good man from what I can see.
  7. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Many thanks for all your kind words. I feel ashamed that I am not more upset than I am. It more a feeling of sickness in my stomach that sadness.
    Anyway, I have decided to go to his funeral as it is the right thing to do, and regardless of my last feelings for him I should show my respect. I'm not looking forward to seeing my stepmum and her family as no doubt they will have bad feelings towards me. On a more positive side, it will be the first time in about 10 years since I've seen any of my family, they are coming over from Germany.

    Many thanks.
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry to hear about your father. :hug: I think it's good of you to go to the funeral and show your respect.

    Heya, you don't need to feel ashamed. People react differently and at different times.
  9. d-pressed

    d-pressed Well-Known Member

    My sympathies are with you, I am very sorry - you say he passed away before you say you could "make peace," and I imagine that is very distressing for you. However, perhaps you had already made peace in your minds, you just didn't get the chance to express it? You also have nothing to be ashamed about - if the same event were to happen to a group of people, you would get totally different reactions to it, not just one particular emotion. As for your stepmum, I think that her and her family feeling hatred/anger towards you would be the last thing on their minds at this time of mourning/shock. I do think it would be a good idea to go to the funeral for your sake, as it would give you some kind of closure.
    All the best.
  10. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i am so sorry to hear of the bad news.. my prayers will be with you my friend!

    love you and if you ever need to talk i am only a pm away!

  11. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ....i am very sorry for your loss honey.

    you will be in my thoughts... pm me if you want to talk, i have lost a dad and know what it is like.

    ....thinking of you as well, as you attend the funeral. it will be positive for you to go, i think, but evaluate it and do what is best for yourSELF. :console:
  12. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    I am very sorry to hear about this news. God knows the intentions of your heart and that you wanted to go and make peace with him. Your father on the other side already knows this information by telepathy, i believe. Do not worry.
  13. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear about the death of your Dad Graham.

    You are in my thoughts.

    :console: Claire xx
  14. butterflygurl

    butterflygurl Member

    I'm deeply sorry for your loss
  15. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Ta for those who have added post since my last one :smile:

    I've travelled down for the funeral, it's on monday. My ex wife has put me up so no need for a hotel and I get to see my kids. Hopefully come monday I can get some closure.

  16. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Thinking of you today Graham.

    :hug: Claire xx
  17. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Well the funeral has been and gone, so one could say that is a chapter of my life now closed. It was good to see lots of my family that I haven't seen for 10 - 15 years, and I even saw 2 of my cousins that I haven't seen since I left Berlin in 1988. It was a shame that my Mum couldn't come, she never forgave my Dad for leaving her and taking me and my brother when he escaped to the West.

    Gute Befreiung Vater.
  18. healing07

    healing07 Well-Known Member

    There are no words to describe that kind of loss.I'll just pray for you. I know now you feel alone, your dad was died and your mom not live with you. But don't feel alone we are here for you. I hope everything will be get better soon.
    God bless you.