My Daughter Died

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by MimiK, Jun 22, 2011.

  1. MimiK

    MimiK Member

    ...in January of this year. She was 25. I'm checking this site out, because I don't have personal experience with suicidal depression. The one and only time I had a suicidal thought I immediately hospitalized myself, because the thought was abrupt and scary. It's been 5 months and 6 days since she died. My dad was schizophrenic but very successful. For some reason he was able to manage his mental illness well in his lifetime, maybe he had a mild strain. Two of my sisters and one niece have suffered suicidal depression and attempts and eventually overcame these through medicine and therapy. I presumed that my daughter would overcome as well, as she told me that her last attempt really made her know that she wanted to live. That was with pills and she didn't tell me until more than a year afterward. This time she xxxxxxxx, and I believe she obsessed on this method for at least a year before hand because of the things her friends and lover told me. It's just so sad. I don't know what I'm doing here. Thanks for listening.:unsure:
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sorry I had to edit the thread but we must edit methods...the therapist you mentioned in your other thread should be reported!!! please know we all do our best and you could not know what she did not disclose...so sorry for your loss and glad you are here with us...J
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you i am so sorry for the loss of your daughter You could not have know hun there was nothing one could do. Her illness took her away from you I hope you have all the supports in place to help you Glad you are here too hun PM me anytime you just need someone to listen or talk too hugs
     
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I am sorry, too. What a huge loss for you.

    And I agree with sadeyes re her therapist also.

    Please try to take good care of yourself.
     
  5. MimiK

    MimiK Member

    Thanks for editing. I'm still mush brained, and I forget where I am sometimes. Today is one of the hardest day's I've had. It all came tumbling back in on me in the afternoon while I was looking after my little 9 month old grandnephew. Been in a nasty sad funk ever since. I'm dreading her birthday in 6 weeks.
     
  6. MimiK

    MimiK Member

    Thanks. I know intellectually that she died of untreated mental illness, but my heart says I should have known, and asks "why?" constantly when I'm in these moods. I'm having days in a stretch now when I feel somewhat my old self. Not exactly, more like a shadow. But not tortured. This afternoon and evening though I feel tortured.
     
  7. MimiK

    MimiK Member

    Thank you. I would love to report that guy, but I don't know who he is. I just know that she felt so betrayed and wouldn't discuss treatment. Now I know that she was in the denial of help phase for at least a week before she actually died. Maybe longer. I asked her if I could send her to treatment and she said she couldn't afford to lose her job. And I asked her to move home for a few months to get feeling better, but she said that would make her feel even more depressed. It's just a really sad day for me. Tomorrow will probably be better. Peace to everyone here.
     
  8. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear that.
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    mimik I'm so sorry for your loss....my heart goes out to you..
    I have lost a child to this dreadful illness as well..17 months ago.
    take great care of yourself ok and I hope this forum can give you what you need.
    *hugs*
     
  10. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry for your loss. 25 is much too young to go. It's very tragic that she was so depressed that she felt ending her life was the answer.

    Having to bury you child would be extremely difficult for anyone. :hug: if you need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me.
     
  11. Underground

    Underground Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry to hear what happened your daughter. Such a loss is always tragic, especially as she was so young at only 25 and that it was through suicide. I'm sure you may have felt angry at some points during the grieving period (which you may still be going through). I am sorry to say I don't have any words of great comfort to share, either, but I'm just letting you know that this happened my old friends mum/my neighbour around Christmas, so I understand why it is so hard to deal with.

    xxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  12. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Im so sorry to hear about your daughter. I am at a loss for words but if you ever need to talk or are having a bad day my pms are always open for you xxx
     
  13. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry for your daughter, for her decisions, for your emptiness that you must be feeling. I couldnt emagine loosing a child and wont even try to say that I know what your going through. My heart hurts for you, anytime you want to chat or vent, my box is always open.

    Please take care of you. Hugs
     
  14. MimiK

    MimiK Member

    Thanks everyone. I appreciate your words of comfort. I actually do not feel angry, just very sad. My dad was schizophrenic, so I understand that mental illness is sometimes terminal. My personal insight is that when a person gets suicidal thoughts, the very first ones, that there is something wrong with the body and it affects the mind. I don't see depression as different from autism or tourettes or a brain injury. And I don't see suicide as any different that when an animal is mortally ill or wounded and goes off by itself to die. I truly believe that there is a part of the human brain that switches on when the chemicals make it too painful to live. Keep in mind I'm not suicidal, and have only had one flash of ideation that scared me so much I went to the hospital immediately and stayed for almost three weeks until the doctors could assure me that I wasn't a danger to myself or my children. I saw my dad suffer demoralizing times of sickness throughout my entire life, and my daughter was living with - in order of appearance in her life - IBS, SIADH, OCD, MDD, possible Ankylosing Spondylitis (she hadn't been dx'd yet), and possible progression to BiPolar. She was also extremely competetive, spoke several languages, was gentle, kind, rowdy when drunk, 145+ IQ, beautiful, and wrote the most beautiful music. It doesn't seem fair that one woman should have to house every wonderful thing and every terrible attribute her family had to offer. I'm going to a NAMI board meeting tomorrow. Maybe I can be of some use to someone there. Goodnight.
     
  15. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It does not seem fair...as it is not fair that you are going through this as well...please know, although many of us do not understand nor can imagine what you are going through, we do know pain and the value of support and comfort...as many have said in this thread, my PM box is open as well...sending big hugs in cyber and wish it could be in RL..J
     
  16. Marymc

    Marymc New Member

    Hi MimiK, I sympathize with you on the loss of your beautiful intelligent daughter. I too lost my baby daughter a month ago to suicide. She was 15 years of age. She had no signs of depression. She always appeared a happy child. It is nice to talk to someone who is feeling the same loss as me. Take care of yourself.. Hugs