My Daughter Is Dating A Gang Member

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Godsdrummer, Jan 18, 2010.

  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    She announced to us last week that she had a new boyfriend. I should have red flagged it immediately when she told us that he had been in some legal trouble for spray painting.

    They have dated now for just over a week. This past Friday she came home with a HUGE hickey on her neck.

    I didnt know what was going on at that time, as I had to hurry and change clothes and get to work for my part time job. It wasnt until later on that night, I found out.

    Now it get's worse. My daughter received a text message from one of her female friends. This girl is now in college and has a new boyfriend, but used to date the guy my daughter is now dating. That girl told my daughter he is in a gang.

    Spray painting? Trouble with the cops? Must have been tagging.

    Now, checked his facebook page. Every other word is fuck. He has been kicked out of his mother's home and had to go live with his grandmother.

    That Friday night as punishment for the hickey we took her cellphone. there was one, just one text message on it.

    From her new guy. Basically it stated I am tired of dating girls, just to fuck them. I like you, you are different, blah, blah blah. (talk about a line)

    This guy is bad news, he is going to use and discard my daughter. And sie can't see it.
     
  2. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    That's how alot of girls are, especially when they're young.. to people like us it's just blatantly obvious what his intentions are, but I guess girls really like to be convinced they're in love. -.- Damn twilight..

    I'm no parent so I can't offer much, really.
     
  3. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    As a teenage girl I'd say the more you resist it the more interested she'll be in him...
    Let her learn from her mistakes.
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Of course she cant see it. Love is blind and he's the shits!!!! Cool, tough, stands down to no one.

    Just posted in your other thread about losing the ipod. Here is a perfect example of why you cant lose it on her. HUn she is going to need someone to turn to while and after she is with this guy. Probably her mom but if you go ape on her now she is going to pull away completely. You can "warn" her about him, remind her about the dangers of sex (yes sex, she isnt too young if she is letting him "tag" her neck) and let her know out right that you are there for her. That you dont trust this guy. But that you know she likes him so you will stand watch until there is the need to interfere. Anything but blow up at her. You will lose in more ways than you can imagine. Ahhh the teens years. And they call it the terrible two's?????? Think the teen years should be called the terrifiying teens or translated ....."pull all your fricken hair out and wonder what you were thinking those how many years ago??? (lol).

    You can do this Bill. Suck it in and let it all blow out AFTER you've talked to her.
     
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I agree a bit with remedy the more you denie it the more she will hang onto him...but I think you need to have a talk with her...listen to what she says..ask her what attracts her to him and tell her you want to meet the guy...involve him into your life and have a talk with him to make sure what his intentions are, and that you are aware of all his illegal involvements...

    what i mean by involvment is by inviting him for supper, or family outings...not just invite him and he spends the time in your daughter's room...
     
  6. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    I only have boys so I can only offer what I did to help them get through the teen years.
    I was very open & honest with them. I made myself available 24/7. They did make bad decisions but I had their trust. They knew I wouldn't blow up on them and would be there to help, not punish.
    I did check out any of the girls they were dating and I didn't hide it. It actually became a neighborhood thing. We watched out for the others kids.
    Back then it was called the Gestapo by the kids but today they still thank me for dpoing what I did.
    At this age you can only guide them. Not rule them.
     
  7. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I tell my daughters "Life punishes us and then teaches us the lesson."

    When my daughters start dating the wrong person I ask them to think about how they have always wanted their adult life to be. I tell them that if the date is not on that path they never will be.
     
  8. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    It got worse. The boy has listed his date of birth on his facebook page as 1990, which would make him 19. And now my daughter has to serve a 4 hour Saturday detention because of this creep.
     
  9. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I can imagine how hard this is for you but what you have to remember is that teenagers are rebellious and you have to be careful how you deal with this. She will no doubt resist your efforts to help. You must try not to attack and demonize him because no matter what you say, she won't see it.

    Have you tried introducing her to someone more appropriate? Maybe find a way to make it seem like it was her decision? Maybe have them just happen to meet?

    You are absolutely right. This boy is more than likely bad news. Gangs are obviously to be handled very delicately. Getting her away from this guy is probably the most important thing you will ever do as a parent. But you must be careful and although I hate to say it, you have to be sneaky and subtle. She will not understand if you just go at this head on.
     
  10. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Bada- bing... Eh, I thought yous was "connected"? :wink: