My Dearest

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Michael Lee, Jul 27, 2007.

  1. Michael Lee

    Michael Lee Well-Known Member

    To my Dearest,
    You will never know how much I loved you; how much I've missed just being with you. It is 5:40 am. I have been up for about an hour watching the second hand on the clock, drinking my coffee. I have my window of opportunity. My family is leaving in a few days for a short vacation. I will be by myself. My main concern is finding a place where I won't leave a mess. It is odd the things that can run through your mind. Mary I loved you. When we were together I never worried, never thought about suicide. I don't blame you for not loving me. Can't make someone love you. Some folks are lucky; others aren't. I hope that you found love in your life and that its been a good one. You deserved happiness. You made me happy. Things have come to an end for me. Can't live a lie anymore; can't live with myself. I will go out with my integrity and my basic principles. I've heard it said that one day sober is better than all the days drunk. I'm not convinced of it anymore. If you are sober you have to deal constantly with pain. At least when I was drunk I had my illusions.
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    That was so sad yet so beautifully written. Whoever this is for I'm sure she is smiling at your words and knowing that you love her. :hug:
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Michael hun:sad: I truly know how you feel and what can I say "that it gets better":unsure: not seeing any proof of that in my life except when, like you, I drink:sad:
    I just have to hang on and hope that with time we will heal and that one day it will hurt less :hug:

    Please don't do anything irrevocable.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Michael, as you know i know how you feel and why you feel the way you do. As we have discussed in the past a change needs to be made. Mary was an important part of your life at one time. You loved her with all of your being. But hun, you must learn to let her go. That does not mean letting go of the memories or the love you had for her. All of what happened with her was in the past, not the future. If you can't learn to let go of her, the present and future can't exist in a way that you can find happiness. You are stuck in the what might have beens. You must remember along with those comes the what might not have beens. You are holding onto a dream. How you wished things would have turned out instead of the way they did. I do not deny your love for each other. That was true and ever so real. My hope for you is that you can find the happiness you both deserve and seek, but I know it is not possible as long as you are not willing to let Mary be a part of your past. You will probably hate me for saying what I have, and for that I am truly sorry. It is a risk I am willing to take. I just know what needs to happen for you and I hate to see you struggle so much. You are a beautiful soul being tortured by a beautiful memory. It is only a memory. Please allow that soul to grow and blossom and that memory to find its peace and rest. You have so much goodness to share with both the world and yourself. Please let me know how I can help you. :hug: