hi folks, looking back, i think i can say i owe my life, at least in part, to a SS community like this one. i somehow managed to bumble my way through so many years of just crushing darkness, and with the support of the good people i was able to surround myself with, and the friends i was able to identify with online, i found a way out. it seemed like slowly at first, and then suddenly, i just became overwhelmed with gratefulness for everything around me, the good and the bad. and of course, i still have waves of depression from time to time, but i've learned not to let them destroy me, i just breathe them in, let them wash over me, and breathe them out, and i smile, and sometimes i even laugh out loud just a bit, because i have been absolutely defeated, in every sense of the word, and reduced to my lowest possible state, and now that i know that i can find my way back from the darkest place, all of the fear of losing control, just washes away now that i have found a way to stand on my own, i hope that i can give back, even if just in a small way, to begin to repay the kindness that i was fortunate enough to receive when i needed it most. even though you are all strangers to me, that is my debt to you; to repay the kindness of strangers that once showed me a way to go on, when i could not see one through the darkness.