My demons have fallen silent (well, most of them)

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by peaksnvalleys, Oct 12, 2007.

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  1. peaksnvalleys

    peaksnvalleys Member

    Hello all. My name is Ryan, I'm 35 and live in the ghost town formerly known as Detroit. When I was 14, I attempted suicide (didn't work). That was the easy part. Living with suicidal depression ever since was hard. The really intense depression ended for me around age 28, but I still deal. My best friend took his life back in '95 and it still hurts.

    I'm happy most of the time now, and I'm in control of myself. I suppose that comes with sticking around. Although now I have this insane rage that surfaces periodically (no one's seen it) that I would like to resolve. Depression and thoughts of suicide still linger, but they're so familiar now that I tend to ignore them (oh, you again) and realize they'll soon fade and I can carry on.

    I googled and found this site after watching a supposedly live suicide on You Tube. I was looking for suicide bombers but this came up. There was no real visual, but the pain in the kid's voice really fucked me up. You know, in watching TV and shit, one is bombarded with ugly news of death, war, corruption, and general unkindnesses the world over, and one tends to become desensitized. But whenever I hear of anyone taking their life, it really hurts me. I wish to fucking God that I could have done something to help that person. I know you can't make up other peoples' minds for them, but...

    Anyway, like my moniker sayeth, there are peaks and valleys. If I've learned anything from chronic depression, it's that being low isn't permanent and perhaps later I'll feel better about myself. Please feel free to PM me about anything. I'm not on a mission to save all the lost souls, but (sorry, bad cliche comin' up) if I could help just one person. Up and down, up and down, up...(and holding)
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you found us and decided to join. :welcome: to our community. I hope we are able to offer support and help you with what you are seeking. :hug:
  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum sir, good to see that you have largely gotten your depression under control
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF :hug:
  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF :hug:
  6. missdiana86

    missdiana86 Active Member

    i'm happy to hear that u managed to control somehow ur depression, it's already a victory :blink:
  7. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    :welcome: to SF
  8. peaksnvalleys

    peaksnvalleys Member

    Thanks to all for your kind words.

    @ missdiana86: It's not really controlled, but it has diminished over time, and is easier to deal with, although it still pops up to remind me that it's there.
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