my depression is so much worse now

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by theleastofthese, Jun 4, 2008.

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  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    cause I starting drinking again a couple days ago. Now am trying to wean myself off of it - again. I am so depressed over my relapse and so ashamed of myself for my weakness. I wonder if I'm ever going to make it sober and stay sober.:sad:
     
  2. galalleni

    galalleni Well-Known Member

    Hi theleastofthese,

    I recently relapsed from my alcoholism - I was very ashamed of myself too - I felt like I let down all the people who were trying to help me and I let myself down. I just stopped drinking about two weeks ago - and I see that even though I'm fighting the same battle again, I've gotten a bit wiser about what sets me off to drink. I was drinking to self-medicate my depression, but each time it required more and more alcohol to get me to the same level.

    I don't know if I'll relapse and start drinking again at anytime - but I know that drinking only causes me to have more pain and suffering and more grief in general. This last time I drank I told my estranged brother I loved him (met him only 3 years ago, he is 9 years older than me) - I put him in a very awkward place. I also said and did a lot of stupid things (combined benzo's with alcohol, got drugs from dealers), and generally disregarded my own life - although there is a way out of it - asking for help.

    Do you have a counselor you could ask to help you stop drinking? I wasn't able to get sober on my own - it required a lot of willpower I didn't think I had, but the less I drank, the more energy I had even though I craved alcohol. I'm not very keen on AA, but it does work for some people. Don't feel guilty about drinking - it sounds like you've been through a lot and you are trying to escape - it's normal for people to try and escape issues or problems that arise that are too difficult to handle - a counselor might be better than drinking to help you grapple difficult issues.

    I know talking is good for helping soberiety - feel free to PM or IM me if you feel like drinking or need some inspiration to stay sober - you can make it through.
     
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I have a counselor for my drinking problem and a regular counselor. I am afraid to tell either of them that I started drinking again. I'm afraid of how mad they will be at me. I know in my head that i've got to quit drinking but am so afraid of the withdrawals. I'm calling my doctor today to ask for his help in stopping drinking. I want some chemical help in getting past the withdrawals. The first three days are murder. I feel like I won't live thru the first three days. My doctor once refused to prescribe anti anxiety meds to get me thru the withdrawals but I am going to beg him this time. I must stop drinking before it kills me. Please pray for me. I need help.
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Are you on meds? If so alcohol kills the effects of your meds. So you will start backsliding. I was an alcoholic for years, and now that I have been sober for the last 21 years alcohol taste like shit. I will drink up to 3 beers when I am with my brother. He's still drinking pretty heavy. So I am trying to be social with him. He doesn't drink normal, he tips his head back and pours it right down his throat.
    I think if I miss anything it is smokong pot. I just prefer the way you feel compared to alcohol. I quit smoking about 15 years ago. I am to old to get caught and end up in jail. Now if they ever get around to legalizeing it I will be one of the first to start smoking again.
    I know it is a big struggle to quit drinking but it is a must if you want to get better. Good Luck...:chopper:
     
  5. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    One of the biggest things I got from 12 step groups is that youget to start fresh and anew each day. Personally i have found my relapses are to remind me of how horrid it was in the grip of practicing addiction.
    kD
     
  6. galalleni

    galalleni Well-Known Member

    Howdy theleastofthese,

    I'm on a medication that helps me stop drinking and get rid of withdraws - it's called ReVia, the generic name is naltrexone. It's helped cut back my drinking quite a bit. I'm also on Topamax for the time being, it makes sure I don't have seizures from withdraw.

    I know you said you didn't want to talk with your counselor. Your counselor's probably wants to help you - and not knowing about the drinking makes it hard for them to do that. I'm sure they wouldn't be mad at you, perhaps a bit frustrated but not at you, probably at the drinking. It's important to ask for help when you need it, and that is why I personally have a counselor whom I tell all my problems to - even when I relapsed into alcoholism for the 2nd time - she was there to help and get me sober again (that is her job afterall).

    Let me know how it goes. If you need to vent or feel like drinking again, PM or IM me - I've had a lot of similar experiences and maybe we can help each other stay sober.
     
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well I got thru day one yesterday somehow. I drank a lot of water, herbal tea, gatorade, and juice. slept whenever I could. Day two started out fine when I woke up but the agitation came right back and now I'm trying to handle it. I want to stop drinking so much. the urge to have just a glass of wine to kill the withdrawal is tempting but I'm resisting it cause it will just make it harder to quit all over again.

    I'm getting thru it one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
     
  8. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    the depression is killing me. I feel absolutely hopeless and helpless. too hot here to go back to sleep. feel too sick to do anything but lie down. agitated beyond belief. I feel like the world's biggest loser.:sad:
     
  9. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    Least, my dear friend, don't be so hard on yourself. Remember, loads of people have traveled this path, with a lot of bumps and scrapes. You've gotten a lot of great responses from your initial thread. Take it to heart. One day at a time really does work.
     
  10. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    If drinking makes you happy.... then do it.

    As long as you stay safe, I see no real issue with the occasional drink.
     
  11. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    Mr. Everybody: An occasional drink, no problem. An occasional drink while you are taking psychoactive meds, a problem since it throws you body chemistry off and makes the drugs less effective. Drinking all the time wit our without meds is a big problem, both from a health perspective, but also from the point of view of what it makes you neglect, such as your family obligations. Really, no depressive should be drinking at all since it compounds the problem. What Least is talking about here is NOT an occasional drink. It is drinking to excess, regularly, and not from a desire for some stress relief, but from an addiction. The addiction to alcohol can be, and often is, worse than the addiction to any other drug.

    Least: If you choose to abide by Mr. Everybody's advice, that is your decision. But i know you and i know that you recognize the problems your drinking has caused. I really do hope that you can beat your addiction, and I know that you have the power to do so. Remember, One Day at a Time!!
     
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with diver. Tying to quit is a real bitch. I was lucky because I quit cold turkey, by my self. It was easier than I thought it would be. All I had to do is look at my exwife and that was a big help. She is a major alcoholic. She gets so drunk that she doesn't know who she is. She goes home with guys that pick her up in the bars.
    I tried six times to make it work because I wanted my daughter to have both parents. Well it didn't matter she was going to do what she wanted. It really screwed up my daughter. She has been in and out of foster homes, institutions, and living on the streets. I tried to help her but she had so much pain. We are getting better with each other. She is a mom now and I have a granddaughter. She is smart as a whip, and I love her very much! They were down here two christmases ago and when it was time to fly home my grandaughter ran into my arms and held tight around my neck. She said over and over that she wanted to stay here. She didn't want to go back up there to a screwed up life.
    Alcohol is a real bitch to overcome. My brother is one and he says well at least I know how I am going to die. He is a mean drunk. He starts arguments with my sister in law just because he likes to f--- with her. Well enough of my shit. Stay safe and good luck to your choice to quit!!:chopper:
     
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