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My disgusting fa***r

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hae-Gi, Sep 30, 2009.

  1. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    From the thread in Soap Box about that sickening rapist Roman Polanski:

    I have just found out that my fa***r does this... disregards what Polanski did. God I hate him. He is so disgusting. :/ How can he be my fa***r? How can he be such a terrible man? He is a xenophobe, too; he countless times have said that all immigrants - except Finns (since his wife (or my mother) is one, I assume) - should be deported. There are countless other things that just make him an overall terrible person.

    I hate him. He's so disgusting. And he always tries to put me down. I am even afraid that he might shoot me and my mother, one day... he has a gun and he used to want to kill himself with it, many years ago. Since he disagrees with almost everything I say, I use to keep thinking he will shoot me, one day.

    Why have I still not moved out? I have had to take his ways all my life. I have had an apartment for years, now, but I STILL have not moved out. Then again, that is to some degree because he always puts me down - always tries to belittle me... unless I, for a change, agree with him... which barely ever happens. A fight can be started about absolutely anything... even things that I try to talk about that I think are okay to talk about. And yes, I do have to talk about things with him... if I wouldn't, there would be a fight over that, instead.

    I am well over 28 and even still I haven't gotten out of the house because he keeps draining me of energy. I just wish I could get the energy to move out.... I am so sick of this. It's as if I'm imprisoned.

    Sometimes I feel it was because of my inability to move out of the house that my ex-girlfriend ended up being unfaithful to me... maybe my inability to quickly get the things done that I had to get done so we could live together made her lose faith in me... made her stop taking me seriously. Of course, that'd be a dreadful reason behind what made her do what she did, but I sometimes wonder if everything had been okay between us if I had gotten things done.... if I would've been able to keep my energy and just get everything done.... but it was fate, of course. :/ And maybe my fate also is to just die alone.... without my true love.... die all alone and become a ghost, afterwards, from the psychological anguish at my moment of death.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    As they say..we can choose our friends but we can't choose our family.

    I am even afraid that he might shoot me and my mother, one day...

    If this is a genuine concern, it might be worth talking to a mental health professional about him. Also, I'm sorry for the way he has treated you. :( You don't deserve that.
  3. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Very sad. Have you thinking about your life alone? What you can see? How is it worst than live your life on hatefull environment? If you have to scare when you and your mother become killed..

    Are you still home because you do not want to leave your mother alone with your dad? Does your mother scare? It is possible if she leave too? Do you come alone with your mother? Do you support your mother and does she support you?

    If you are strong enough to keep make up, love bags and make photography art as a man, maybe you are strong enough live alone? Or take your mom and learn live pure environment together a little while?
  4. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    It's not a genuine concern.... it's mainly just because of my troubled mind. It's like with when almost every time someone makes a call to the house, I assume my grandfather or grandmother (of my mother's side) has died... or that my younger sister has taken her life. I guess that since my life has been mainly just negative, I usually keep thinking that the worst will happen.

    As for the rest you said.... I'm sure many on this forum would disagree with you on that. Someone who wants a slave in a Master/slave relationship (under true love) must be a fucked up, evil, abusive and terrible person. I'm sure some who read this now think "that explains it" on why I am like I am... like father, like son, they must assume... even though I'm almost the opposite to him... -_-
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well it seems that you know the reason. He is draining you. He belittles you and makes you feel and think you are not capable of much. Let alone living on your own. And your fear of what he might do also contributes to why you dont leave hun. He is a control freak. If you dont agree with him, life is Hell. If you do agree with him you have to at the cost of your own ethics, morals and beliefs. You dont want to do anything to please him because if you do, he will expect more and more. And you take his shit so that it doesnt have to fall on your mom (even if you dont realize it, you are trying to protect her from the same shit). I'm sorry you are living under his roof in such conditons. I know them all too well, my ex was that type of person. But one day, you will just say enough!!!!! So why not work on making that day come soon. Start by talking to a professional about your situation. Find out resources that are available to help build yourself back up to the strong individual you are inside. The one that is here screaming how much you hate how he treats you. I know it's so much easier to scream here than to try and spend energy you probably dont have right now. But please think about it?
  6. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    No, my mother loves him... despite that he fights with her, too. The worst is that I also kind of, to some degree, keep forgiving him... sometimes he apologizes over what he's said, or the fights, if it's been really bad... or he buys stuff that I like. -_-; Like donuts or fruit or berry pies or whatever.... but this time.... this time, however, he defended a rapist... he usually does find rape to be really bad, but since it was him he meant you should remember him for his movies... and that it was thirty years ago, now. As if that makes any difference.

    I'm still living at home simply because my energy or motivation still hasn't been enough to finish up my apartment... so I can move in. And I can definitely live alone if I just get my apartment done.... except that without my true love, I would just do nothing, all the time.... nothing interests me other than having that one and only girl. I'd just keep being alone and age.... I'm already 28. I don't look it but I am still just starting to get too old to hope, anymore. I hate my life. :/
  7. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Stop lying (lie) to yourself would you?
    You maid be opposite very many ways.. But when your dad control you, you remove your control to your become relationship. You can not take woman who control you like your dad and you make sure you are free of control to take a woman who, your thoughts, you keep on your slave. You scare hell lot of someone control you after your dad. Or then you just want to enjoy as same power what you think your dad feel as a control freak.

    As a man you turn a same thing on your head but different than me. I can not take any of control. No one, not any kind of control. Sexual thoughts like I said at relationships and sex thread I have to tight my man. Because I have to make sure I do not become forced any ways.
  8. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    I'd never scare her. Sorry but you just don't get it. :/ The relationship I want has nothing to do with abuse. It's simply different. It is in no way comparable to my father's behaviour. I'd always just want her to be happy, as well... if something (of what she'd also want, by the way) would be too much for her, I would comfort her, afterwards... I'd always make sure that what I do just makes her happy... I'd always analyze her reaction to everything.

    It is NOT comparable to my father's behaviour.... why don't people ever get that? It is nothing like it.
  9. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Thanks for the reply, by the way, itmahanh.... I don't really know what to reply to that. But I will move out, soon.... I want to and I have to. Hopefully before Christmas, at least...
  10. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Volunteer happy slavery


    Iron my shirt
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 30, 2009
  11. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    If I've misinterpreted your post then sorry. But that is really unnecessary. Just support members. Inuendos arent necessary. Actually its really just pathetic, trying to find humor in someone elses agony.
  12. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Unfortunately, women are slaves on their relationships. Unfortunately, that is the way how men want it to be. Unfortunately i am not going to support slavery. Just continue beat your women and control their breathing. Men are masters of earth.

    Please continue without this happy slave.
  13. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Except that I would do most of the housework, cook, etc. You just don't get it at all and I'm sure you never will.

    Thanks, itmahanh, for not attacking me as well. And I think you're right about that I take his shit so she won't have to. It's so much worse if he argues or fights with her... I'd rather he just argued or had his word fights with me, instead, every time.

    However, I think my presence is what makes him be that way, often... when I move, I'm pretty sure he will act that way much less often.
  14. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun while you are getting ready for the move could you please find some brochures or literature on abusive relationships, women shelters, and counselling for your mom? Also anything about abusive/contolling relationships. Leave them with her one day, sometime when your dad isnt around. I know she loves him, and that can be making her blind to what his problem is. I dont want to scare you or change your mind about the move, but he is what he is. He isnt going to change without some serious help. He has control and anger issues. Yes you getting out of the house is a great idea and a sure way to get on the road to helping yourself grow and find some hope again. And you need to do that. I just want you to feel good about the move knowing you have left your mom with some options too. Pm anytime you need someone to vent at. I've been where your mom is and my 3 teenage kids have been where you are at now. And their dad, well he is stuck where he was when I finally got the guts to say enough and moved me and the kids away from his shit. Keep me posted hun. Good luck.
  15. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Unfortunately that is the way it is in many cultures around the world. And unfortunately that is the way it is for so many women everywhere. But it doesnt have to be that way. I lived with an abusive and controlling relationship for almost 20 years. In a culture where it is looked down upon for the men to think they are master. Women around the world, where it is tradition and culture for the man to rule are now fighting to change those rules. And they are winning. It doesnt have to be that way. There are many resources available for women to get away and start new. Unfortunately, like me, it takes the women to find the courage to do so. If you want to change things then try. Or sit there and accept it. It's scary to walk away from something that has been literally beaten into you. But once a women gets the courage to change things, she sees that women have a place in this world too. And sometimes her leaving opens up the mans eyes to just how wrong his behaviour is and he tries to change to. It all starts with a baby footstep forward.
  16. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    I wouldn't say it's all too "abusive" to her. It's mainly me who he has fights with (word fights). He's never hit her, either (nor me). It's mainly just me that he won't function with.

    I couldn't do that to neither my mother nor him. She'd just get hurt that I'd make such insinuations, and also, while I don't really like him, anymore, after all I've had to endure, he still isn't an all too bad person and he's been helpful with things that have been important to me. I think he has multiple personality disorder... it's just so difficult to know where I have him. Normally I do, but sometimes he just "shifts", suddenly.

    I'm just going to move out as quickly as I can. As I said, I think I'm the one who triggers him, anyway.... since I am so individualistic and criticizes so much. I find flaws in almost everything and that really gets to him... even when it's things like criticizing a bank for giving huge bonuses during recession, and after that bank even has been given huge state emergency loans... but they just give it as bonuses and it bugs him that I take notice of things like these... he keeps seeming to mean that I should mostly just put a blind eye to almost all badness and see the good things, instead (which I almost never see since they barely exist or usually are fake). Ugh, he's so stupid and annoying.... -_-; honestly, he really is beyond stupid, at times... which makes us even more incompatible since I make him seem stupid, even to himself... and that I - not on purpose - keep making him feel stupid must put a toll on his self-esteem, so when he gets the chance, he acts out by trying to put me down and belittle me, I guess.

    ...By the way, thanks for bringing that discussion into my thread. :/ Maybe a PM would've been better instead of talking that way about people like me (well, not actually like me, but in the eyes of almost everyone, indeed "like me"). And you know, many girls do want to be the slave in a Master/slave relationship, and can become very happy from that. It doesn't have to be a form of abuse. But, as always, I am aware that basically no one will get such foreign views of life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2009