i dont know what a thread is. i dont know that i should even by typing now but god do a feel the need to vent. im so tired of being depressed. both emotionally and physically. i try so hard to do everything right, you know, look after my health, try not to think depressing thoughts and all, but i just get so worn out. and these thoughts just keep comming on. like i have these quick flashes of pretty messed up stuff in my mind like knives slashing accross my wrists or shooting myself in the head or just looking at traffic on the road and half daring myself to jump in front of the next bus, often for no good reason or no trigger whatso ever. it just wears me out so bad. i just want to sleep but i feel too guilty about it to sleep properly, like im wasting time. i think long ago i decided i would kill myself, but its just like im putting it off. fuck i just am too worn out. and sick of going about it in circles in my head. just gotta stop being a pussy is suppose.