My emotions are all over the map and I don't like it!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Psych77, Sep 18, 2013.

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  1. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    In the same day I am OK, actually even a little optimistic, and then absolutely hopeless and in despair. I feel guilty that I am no longer going to be living with my kids, that I didn't try harder to change so that I could keep my marriage together so they could grow up seeing what a marriage and a family should be like. I sometimes think they would have been better off if someone else had been their father, and I regret even being born. I hate myself so much for all that I have failed to give them.

    Then I worry about how I am going to pay the bills. How much money will I have each month? Some of it comes from my private contracting work, but that income is irregular, will it be enough to live off of? And I forget so many stupid things - what if I forget the bills? Or some of my professional credentials? I just found out today that I got my prescribing license renewal in the mail too late, and it expired before the renewal paperwork went through - this time my employer is able to work around the problem, but it just shows how easily I can screw things up.

    And then there is the fact that I went to confession on Saturday. I have been seeing this guy for years, and so he knows my marital situation. Well, I had to confess to some <ahem> private things, but I told him the situation, and how I was so distraught it might have contributed to my actions being a little more out of control. His response to my leaving the house was, "How hard did you really try to change to save the marriage?" Usually priests in the confessional have been very compassionate, but that just about killed me.

    I guess I'm done exploding for now - I am being called away for some work related tasks. Thanks for listening, everyone.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted you to know I'm listening.

    The comment by that priest seems, to me anyway, realy out of line. I always thought they were there to listen, not judge.

    Remember, it takes 2 people to try and make a marriage work. Even if you HAD done something differently, that doesn't necessarily mean things would have changed. Because your wife would also have to do things differently. You couldn't change anything all by yourself.
  3. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for listening.

    I'm a little volatile, emotionally, and I am trying to keep my few contacts so I feel as secure a possible going into this. As much as possible, I want to try to avoid getting suicidal AGAIN as I face this move.

    And on top of it all, I was asked to move out about the same time that my employer changed where I will be working and 2 days after I had my last appointment with my therapist (I won't be in that neighborhood anymore, due to work, so I need to find a new therapist).

    Times like these deserve a big Bronx cheer. :p
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Aarrrgh, talk about being overloaded with too many changes all at one time!
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    it is hard dealing with one change let alone many hun just deal with what is happening in moment ok don't try to think to far ahead hugs
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