My End Is Near/Time Is Now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TimeIsNow, Jun 12, 2009.

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  1. TimeIsNow

    TimeIsNow Member

    Hello everyone,

    Well how should I start this? Everyday that I wake up I feel worthless. I've been suicidle since I was 8 years old. I feel like I'm a dissapointment to my family. I'm homeless and jobless and I've been mentally drained from the heartaches in life that I put myself through. Now that I'm trying to put my life together life to me seems not so important. I'm not scared to die, its a part of living. I know one of these days I'm going to end my life and I seriously can't wait till I get to that point when I get overwhelmed with every emotion I was born with. I'm sick of smoking marijuana and taking every other drug to forget about this pitiful life that I'm living. I tried to rely on religion, but the flesh is too much to handle. I tried poetry and expressing myself in front of others and that doesn't seem to work either. I'm so curious to find out whats on the other side of life. Life is not important to me anymore. I can't see my children and I feel I failed them as a father. My time is now. I wish I can start all over. I feel like I'm fuckin stuck in this situation I'm in and I can't get out like an old woman that can't get up. I'm too far mentally gone from reality. Living to me is senseless. Oneday I will come to that point where I would forget how much dying really hurts. Pain will no longer exist to me. I can't wait to my heart stops. Everything will be dark and comfortable.

    Thank you for reading.
  2. sleepycloud

    sleepycloud Member

    that was beautiful. all i can say is i feel the same way
    i don't want to encourage anyone to kill themselves because even if there's no one in your immediate network who cares, there is always going to be people who value you, even for the fact that you feel pain. it's people like you who don't make us feel alone. happy go lucky people who think they have the light and accuse us of being mopey are usually part of the problem. thank you for sharing.
  3. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    Your pain and suffering are immense and very real. Have you ever called a Suicide Hotline? If you told them that you were on the verge, maybe they would do something for you right that very minute.

    Death is a fascination. But you will still be "you" on the other side and your pain doesn't instantly disappear just because you are "dead." Problems have to be worked through - here, there and everywhere.
  4. TimeIsNow

    TimeIsNow Member

    Thank you for responding you two. I appreciate the time you gave reading my little article. You are both right. Problems will always be there you just have to have the strength to make it and get through them. Most ppl dont understand how we feel. I feel like a fuckin outkast at times. Oneday everything will be clear to me, to all of us.
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