My End

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by AfterFact, Jan 3, 2010.

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  1. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    It appears overdoses dont work, 3rd times the charm is also false, infact it appears that after 7 overdoses are various legal drugs I am still alive, plus add another 5 minor atempts and I am dumbfolded as to how the hell I am not on the floor dead. None of my friends or family know about my little problems, and even though I should have gone to the emergency room, I never did. The first attempt, I just wanted to see the afterlife, well I did alright, and I saw nothing but darkness. Well that didnt stop me from trying again and again, and again. I guess I am insane, though I haven't gone to the doctor to prove that theory.
    I am utterly lost and I fear for my life, yet I wish to take it. It is only a matter of time before I try again, and this time I dont think I will walk away from it. Of course I said that before. I am fucking sick of failing. My life is over, all because of my stupid mistakes. Even now I risk being discovered by my parents, but at this point I dont care. I dont care about anything anymore, the few friends I have left are clueless. I even tried praying many times. I was almost a believer, before I saw the void, before my life ceased to matter.
    I need help, and this the best thing I can do without alerting my family. For if that happens, I will simply take my life sooner.
     
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Um I have to ask, why do you not want to reach out to your family for help? What is happening that means you have to hide from them how you are feeling?

    Please say more about why you are feeling like this, that you've attempted so many times, what's been going on in your life? :hug:
     
  3. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I am a teenager if that answers your first line, I tend not to tell my parents things. And anyway they wouldnt take it well.
    My life is pretty much gone, my attempt at believing in God long abandoned, I destoryed my relationship with my parents by lieing to them so many stupid times. I have lost my mind, my ability to have complex social relationships, I have lost my friends, and the support of my teachers.
    I have lost myself, and at this point I just want to finish what I started.
     
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Actually being a teenager suggests to me that this is maybe the right time to reach out to your family. You are right, they wouldn't take it well - suicide is not something that ANYONE would take well. Obviously I don't know the nature of your relationship with your parents, but I would guess that you've hidden from them so well how bad you feel that they haven't a clue what's going on with you. I'd also guess that they would be devastated to realize that you've been suicidal without letting on, without letting them care about you.

    I understand how alone and isolated you must be feeling and am betting that because of that you've withdrawn from everyone around you, making yourself even more isolated. Instead of trying to escape your pain, couldn't you find it in yourself to try and reach out to people around you, get some help to deal with the pain instead. Have you spoken to anyone else at all about how you feel, about what's going on in your head?

    It's good you've posted here, that's a start - please keep talking, telling your story - you will be listened to, you will be heard. And that might just help you see that there are other ways out of the pain. Give other people a chance to get through to you. :hug:
     
  5. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I have not told anyone about whats going on inside my head, though I do tend to allure to it,infact at school I pretty much blurted it out softly but still nobody listened. Its kind of sick little joke for me, any intelligent person would have noticed by now, but I guess when my parents are extremely arrogant things are different.

    There is no one left for me to reach out at this point, for father would almost certainly send to me to a mental hospital or the special ward at a hospital, and no way in hell and I going anywhere near those places, though I am pretty sure I need to go there for more than suicide watch.

    Sorry for any errors, I have been up since yesterday morning.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2010
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Time to blurt it out to someone who will listen your doctor. The only way to get control is the go get it. Tell your doctor who will keep things confidential how you feel. Get on some medication get some therapy now so when your 20 life will be good no more tempting fate Go get some help now okay don't do this to your family help them by helping you show them you are bent on getting well by going out there and get help. Tell your parents you need help and they will get it for you if you can't do it. take care of you okay
     
  7. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    Most of my suicide atempts were unconscious decisions that I didnt even know about until after it happened. I guess you could say I am a pathological sucide atempter. And anyway after pretty much temporary destorying my liver a month ago because of pills, most pills make me sick to my stomuch just by putting it in my mouth. Infact I am not sure pills even effect me anymore. I know benadryl does absolutionly nothing. I just dont think I can tell my parents, I do want my family to know about this.
    Fuck what the hell have I done to put me in this predictiment?
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I really think you need to talk to your family. You need help, and they could get it for you. If it's too hard to actually have the conversation, write something down, print it out, and give it to whichever family member you trust the most.

    :hug: Keep talking here, it means you're at least making an attempt to reach out.
     
  9. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I am still not sure, I tell one parent that parent tells the other, it makes no difference which one I tell. Plus they dont trust me at all right now due to my stupid mistakes.
     
  10. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    It's never too late to put things right with your parents and regain their trust.
    You won't lose anything by telling them, and I'm sure they would trust you in this situation.
    Show them this thread if you need to.
     
  11. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I dont want to stress out my parents any more than they already are, tell my parents about my little problem. I had planed to make my death look like a acident, so that life insurance would cover it, and tell my parents that I have commited sucicide would ruin that little plan. I suppose I should say goodbye, tonight is when I shall take my life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2010
  12. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I have changed my mind for the time being, because taking pills just isnt something I want to end with, that and my past little experinces have been less than painless.
     
  13. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'm so glad you've changed your mind. I hope it stays that way, there is always hope.
     
  14. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    Hope can only do so much.
     
  15. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hope is all we have - it's the thing that makes everything bearable, that gets us through, that actually leads to the things we hope for. Hold onto hope for now.

    And by the way, it's not a 'little' problem - you might have been being sarcastic there, but it sounds awfully like that's how you've been reflected by your family maybe?
     
  16. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I was being sarcastic, sorry for misleading you.
    However my family thankfully has nothing to do with what I am now.
     
  17. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I got help :)
     
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