My enemy has become my friend

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CGMAngel, Feb 6, 2013.

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  1. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    In days long past, whenever I experienced some kind of physical pain, I would pray it wasn't cancer.

    Fast-forward through years of fear, despair and loneliness, and nowadays I find that, whenever I feel a physical twinge of pain, I pray that it IS cancer.

    Now that I no longer fear death, I would almost bet my life (no pun intended) that I shall live until I am 100.

    It is almost unbearable how slowly, yet persistently and insidiously the poison of mental illness has eventually crept into every vein of my being.

    Where once I believed, now I know....
     
  2. Slange

    Slange Member

    Hi, I totally know the feeling. I hear you loud and clear. Let's say you do live to be 100. Let's say you knew you were going to love to 100. Can you think about how you'd spend that time, despite being in the incredible pain you are in? I wonder sometimes if I am strong enough that, thru the fog of pain and anxiety so thick it's a brick wall, I might be able to help someone else. Right now I doubt it. I can't get thru each day myself. But could I use my time, whether I have a day left or 50 years, to make life easier for someone else. It would make the time worth it and my life not a total waste. My life won't be what I'd onced hoped. But could it be valuable? You don't know if you don't try.
     
  3. Slange

    Slange Member

    One more thing, if you know your problem is a mental illiness, I actually think that's a good thing, not that you suffer from a mental illness of course, but that you know what's causing all this pain for you. You have something you can address and attack. Are you getting help for that? Get help. If it doesn't work, get different help. You are not alone and millions share your struggle. Are you going to let the mental illness be in charge or are you going to be in charge?
     
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi again........ the enemy of mental illness can actually be seen in the light of it having been your friend too. I don't mean to sound perverse here, although that statement probably sounds very weird. But this is how I am seeing the mental illnesses that afflicted me in the past - as just that. Because if were not for them, I would not be where I am today.........through them I've learned my real identity - which is actually not only someone who has had "issues" but as someone who has learned by the grace of God, that nothing can separate me from His love - and through that knowledge, find the right perspective for them. It is an awesome journey Angel -....always open to sharing :)
     
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