Okay, so as some of you know, I have been hospitalized quite frequently...manage to get myself hospitalized 5 times in a matter of 2.5 months all due to suicide attempts. This last hospitilization, I've decided will be just that...my last. I have decided that although I don't have much to live for, what I do have is worth it. I need to stay alive to protect those things in my life that are worth living for. I can no longer attempt to hurt my friends and family...it was just me being selfish, and I've realized that, by committing suicide, one is not effecting only themselves, but everyone around them. I hate to say this, but it's true...suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I thank all of those people who have helped me along the way and I will continue to strive to make myself a better person. I just wanted to share this with everybody because I want people to know that there is hope and there is another solution...not suicide. It took me 5 years to realize all of this, but now that I have, I am content with where I'm at. This last hospitilization did alot for me...I was involved in a huge argument with my step dad and ended up attempting to OD and I cut myself. My step dad told me to get out of the house, so I did, and I walked across the street and had to use a guy's cell phone to call my step mom to come and get me. By the time I got home, my parents told me I wasn't leaving and they called the cops on me without knowing that I had attempted to OD. However, when the cops arrived, I was honest with them and told them that I had attempted to kill myself, so they called an ambulance and I was taken to the hospital for yet another horrible stay, but this time, it was different. They changed my meds, upped some of em and gave me some new ones, put me on a mood stabilizer which helps alot, and for some reason, I just realized that my life is worth living although there are still ups and downs and I still have other problems that I need to deal with. I am trying to make a better life for myself. I'm only 19, but I've screwed up in alot of ways and I've learned from those mistakes. I will be attending college this coming fall and I'm going to get my Nurse Practitioner Liscense. I hope that by reading this post someone, even if just one person, gains something out of it.