My ex husband.

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by ~CazzaAngel~, Feb 2, 2008.

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  1. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Something happened earlier tonight. I am kind of confused about it though. The past year and a half I have been so hurt and angered by what happened when I was with my ex husband, so much pain and hatefulness he bestowed upon me and I didn't think I'd ever be able to fully forgive him for it. I am still hurt by it and I don't like the fact all those things happened when all I did was be there for him and comfort him and do everything in my power for him, despite the was he treated me a great deal of the time.

    Tonight I was thinking about something that had nothing to do with him and he popped into my mind, and I felt for a second peaceful. I don't feel the anger I once felt.

    Has anyone experienced this? (even if you haven't feel free to reply if you wish to, I always appreciate the feeling of being heard.)

    I wrote this about an hour ago.

    Allot happened in our marriage
    you did allot that really hurt,
    I tried to help but I just got burnt
    I went on and I tried to make it work,
    I pushed forward and strived,
    I wasn't too sure I would survive,
    I was so angered that I got mangled,
    It got worse and twisted and tangled,
    You showed hatefulness and caused pain,
    I felt so much anger and disdain,
    I loved you and never did I hate,
    I just had to fly away for my sake,
    For too long I wholeheartedly tried,
    Nearly nothing was achieved but
    the many tears I often cried,
    I in the end wanted you to be sorry,
    But all you gave me was Melancholy,

    Now and then you were kind,
    I think in the end that's why
    you were always on my mind,
    Time has gone by and the
    marriage is gone and has died,
    I have let it all go now I now
    wish you luck and say goodbye.​
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2008
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

  3. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    I understand what you mean, Carolyn. I feel the same way about my dad. I have no idea what it is though. :hug:

  4. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    I understand Carolyn. My ex boyfriend treated me horribly for a long time. He took all confidence i had and ripped away everything i loved and believed in. For a while i felt so angry towards him but now i just cant help but care about him. No matter what hrtful things he says, no matter how he treats me, i dont feel that hate towards him. I think that's what they call true love. Love despite everything!

    Stand ur ground tho! Just because u have that kind of love for him DOES NOT mean that he is the right person for you to b with. You deserve to b treated like a queen. :smile:

    Take care

  5. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I still have a lot of the anger. It is the biggest challenge for me to deal with. There are also times I feel sorry for him and what he went through growing up. I do not feel sorry for what he is now of course. At times I too think of him and it doesn't upset me or make me angry. I only wish it were like that more often because it becomes overwhelming at times.

    I hate that you had to marry a man like that. I hate seeing the pain it has caused you. It is good to know you can find that peace and move on. I worry about you often knowing how difficult it is going through this. You are truly brave and strong and a truly lovely person. You deserve to feel at peace and to move on into a happier life. :arms:
  6. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. Despite broken ribs and rape I still miss my ex boyfriend, even though I never loved him...
  7. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    You know once my lawyer saw the type of person my husband is she told me i better not go back to him and also to get over the I love him..she had read some old notes about the abuse in which I said that...what made me feel better was the advocate at the domestic violence center told me it was okay to feel that way. Of course I still had to love myself enough to get away as it was getting so bad and he'd started trying to kill me and acting really crazy. Love can't just be turned off like that. It feels better to be allowed my feelings instead of criticized for them.
  8. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    It's very confusing... the first say.. 8 months I loved him and was tempted to call him and contact him, but at the same time I was terribly angered of what he did and I wanted him to be sorry, as in realize what he did and have remorse for it, I didn't want to hurt him honestly, or want anyone else to, I just wanted him to tell me he was sorry for all he put me through.. After about a year, I still had some feelings but not "in love", not sure what it was.. Anymore I know I'm not in love with him and not sure I love him at all, I care some for him but that's how I am. I'm not too sure what I feel for him anymore or if this forgiveness will keep, but I don't want him back again, never, I couldn't ever do that again.

  9. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    It is very confusing. What is especially confusing is that I am mad at myself for my dreams..but dreams express parts of ourself. One dream I had I wanted to call him and I was angry with myself when I woke up for having that dream because the last thing I wanted to do was to call him. The dream I had recently was a "romantic" dream and that one also made me angry when I woke up. It's like I'm mad at this inner part of myself causing these dreams. I am telling that part of myself how stupid it is and that it shouldn't think that way.

    Yesterday in support (which was a private meeting) the issue of forgiveness came up and like the dreams a part of me forgives like it did when I was with him and the other part is angry. Then there are times I feel sorry for the child he was that was abused but not for who he is now.

    Like you I could never go back to him. Hell no!!!

  10. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    That's not too uncommon, I had similar dreams. I think part of it is because they are on your mind and it's so new to us because we just left them and it's kind of like our minds are still in shock and care and don't want the damage and abuse to be so, one part wants them and the other part is angry, you'll adjust. :hug:
  11. angeliamarie12

    angeliamarie12 Active Member

    Hey there my name is Angelia and I am 20 years old my mom abandon be 17 years ago.. and about 3 years ago i moved in with her and she was dating this guy that beat her all the time.... I want to share the last story of the last time he beat on her because I think mabey some people will see that stickin with an abuser is bad.... Ok November of last year on a weekend which I spent at my boyfriends I was sleeping and Garrett ( boyfriend) was still up it was about 3 in the morning.... and my 25 year old brother had showed up and garrett had woken me up and said Randall is here which is my older brother... so I got up and dressed and went out ... and he was crying... and all the years of growing up i never saw my brother cry and I knew that it wasent good... He told me Mike ( moms boyfriend) had beaten my mom and shes in St Vincets in ICU and that she might not make it.... all I could think of is where my lil 3 year old brother and 7 year old sister was..... cause they were with my mom... and i had asked randall where they were and they did not now.... at that point my mom was in lock down in the ICU and no one could see her.... So I waited for the next morning and drove up to the hospital and had to get picture takeing because my moms boyfriend was still on the run.,... and may come back to hurt her so no males were allowed in the room...... but anyway she suffered with 14 shattered ribs which are now replace with fake metal ribs.... which was caused from a sludge hammer crushing them.... it had punchered her lung..... and I had found out that he did all this to my mom infront of the two little kids.... I eventally found out where the kids had been placed .... which was with our nabores..... they eventally found him... and he got 6 years in prison... He had also jamed a inside of a chicken rotisery thru my moms eye and stabbed her with it in the back of the head... so my advice to any of u that are dealing with abuse and if u have kids... Leave because I almost lost my mother they said if she would have arrived 5 min later she would have died.... SO please get out of the realtionship that u are before u are killed and or have permenant damage for life...... Please take this message and learn from it..... and kids do not have to see that.......

    Take care angelia
  12. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Thank you for sharing your mothers sad story. It is true. There are women who haven't made it. i know i have been very lucky with my husband's attempts on my life. :hug:
  13. asdfghjkl

    asdfghjkl New Member

    it's a good thing he's your ex husband, because i believe that people who stay with their abusive spouses are as sick as the abusers. no offence intended but you have to love yourself enough to leave and understand that you can not change him/her like so many believe they can do. :rolleyes:
  14. If only it were as 'simple' as that...

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