There is no method of suicide that doesn't involve pain. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. The reason that suicide is painful is because everyone who commits suicide will burn in hell for eternity. That statement is something I came across when I was researching suicide methods online. It was some time after I decided that I wanted to kill myself and I found it really funny. I honestly hope the people who wrote that were delusional. When I was a young child I always had this strange feeling that I wouldn't live to be in my twenties. There was no reasoning behind it, it was just a hunch that I had and now it seems that it might have been a premonition. I had a fairly happy childhood. My family were all truly amazing people but I always felt detached in some way that I couldn't understand. I don't want to write about my entire life experience though. The point where I realised something was wrong was when I was 18 and on a vacation with my family. It was really great spending the Christmas holiday with my family and everything seemed perfect in my life. We were driving along in the car and I realised that I felt no joy or pleasure at all. This was a time in my life where I was supposed to feel happy and content, but I wasn't. I was facing out towards the window of the car and I was crying because I realised that I wanted to die. It's hard for me to explain the emotions I'm experiencing right now. There is the sadness of feeling like I'm leaving the people that I love. There's also a lot of guilt because I know a lot of people are going to suffer due to my actions. The feeling that doesn't exist though is self-pity. I don't feel like life is unfair or that my situation is worse than anyone else. If anything I think I have been blessed to have been surrounded by the people who were around during my life. My family, friends and my former girlfriend. The emotion that I never expected to feel is the guilty pleasure of knowing that I don't have to stay here anymore and endure the shit that I've lived with so far. The thought of ending my life isn't some irrational reaction to the way I feel. I've been dealing with this feeling for at least two years and I've tried to think about it as logically as I can. I came up with a 'happiness scale' in my head and it looks something like this: | happy |neutral unhappy| If the bottom end of the scale is the worst I've ever felt, and the top end is the happiest I've ever been, I'm currently at the bottom end. Although, that isn't the problem. My girlfriend recently broke up with me so it's normal for me to be at the bottom. The thing that troubles me is that for the last three years I've been in the bottom half of the scale and very rarely am I feeling neutral or truly happy. I don't know exactly why this has happened. It could be biological, or it could be because of the way my life has turned out. All I know is that I'm currently incapable of feeling happiness. If you look at death on that scale, it is right in the middle, since it's obviously impossible to feel happy or unhappy when you're dead. So if you look at it this way, dying would actually be improving my current situation. I'd just like to mention that I'm not planning on ending my life. I wrote that when I was strongly considering suicide but things change. I'm just posting this to see if anyone has had a similar experience or understands it.