My experiences...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by XxNijinoDoreixX, Sep 9, 2011.

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  1. Well, I've tried to kill myself a few times...mostly xxxxx. The first time I remember, xxxxxxx and went to school. I just threw up, and no one noticed, the principal sure didn't and he was my history teacher. He didn't care, he even let this girl, who'd xxxxxxxxxx keep it and when my mom called he said, "Oh, I didn't think it was that serious.." WTF? xxxxxxxx FCKING RACIST PIG!

    That was after my heart was broken, my family...they didn't notice me, only when I screwed up..like coming home late at night, not wanting to go home...tired of the fighting, the threats, the arguing. I didn't want to go to jail, but I was so afraid that was where I was going to end up. Why did she do those things to me? Was she really that afraid, after all my sister put her through? What did she think I was doing??! I didn't even have sex until she just kept accusing me over and over, letting him say that I was going to turn out just like my sister...but I didn't. We aren't the same, none of us are. I still love you guys, I just can't understand why you hurt me.

    The second time, was xxxxxxxxxx, and I just couldn't wake up for days...it wore off and here I am today...

    Then it was xxxxxxxx....still nothing??? Am I just not able to die?? I don't want to die, I just want a fresh start, I want happiness...but in times, I feel as though the world is crashing down on me. I want to just go, xxxxxxxx and I think...people do it all the time. It must be quick...but than I think, you're going to finished soon, with this pain and suffering.

    You're starting school, you're going to be a translator, a teacher. You will have that beautiful house you wanted, the big yard, the happy perfect family you see in your dreams. You'll have all of that in due time, just give it patience and your best. You can do better than this, and you are dedicated, you are motivated enough to do this. You'll find your happiness, just wait a little longer..

    Why does it seem like time slows down when you want it to speed up, and speeds up at times you wish it'd slow down. One day, I might think, that I'll miss this, these times....that things were so simple and easy, but I don't know. These are some hard times...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 9, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is awful that the girl was permitted to threaten you like that, and that your school tolerated it...you showed a good amount of restraint...I hope you are doing better and that you make a worklist so that you can actualize your dreams...as they say, "one foot in front of the other" and you will be surprised where you get...keep moving and remember that the people who are treating you so poorly are the ones with the problems, NOT YOU
     
  3. Oh wow, that just like was all of my paragraph...why not just delete it??? Thank you for the reply, I'm getting past it. It just really screwed things over for me in school, but I'm correcting it and I should have stood up more to it, taken it further, having actions taken against the principle but I doubt he'd admit it. It just didn't make sense to me.
     
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