My Failure Roommate Makes Me Want To Die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, May 4, 2012.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So I am sitting around this morning, tired from last night. Then I find myself angry for some reason. So I start to babble to myself. When I realize I am yelling at my roommate who his asleep at the time. I now realize that this friend Is the most toxic thing in my life. Literally he is the most toxic thing in my life. When I was living alone, and away from him. Doing my own thing I was just fine. However, now that I am here.. well lets just say my other cause of depression, lack of a sex life, is amplified 10000 times. I mean literally 10000 times. In the past I lived with this guy, but I had a female. Of whom I could have sex with, and then vent all my troubles too. Now I just have my blogs and these forums... no offense but they are not enough to help. I have two really big problems with this guy.

    My first problem is that he complains... about.. I would say 90% of the time. If he is not talking about anime or comics, and he complains about those too. He is complaining about things. He finds anything and everything to complain about. He complains about how he has a master's degree yet is selling luggage. Of course he no longer practices his instrument. How is he supposed to compete with people who only practice in their spare time? He complains about how pathetic he looks without a shirt on. Yet he works out everyday for a week then quits for two weeks. Claiming he is too tired. He rants about how lazy he is with the diet. You know because he cannot cook and cooking requires thought and effort, and he is lazy. It is even worse now that I am on a stricter diet and he wanted to come along for the ride. The only reason he is trying this new diet is because I can be his reference manual. Even then he is very liberal about things. Then all he does is complain about how much work the diet is and how much he misses the convinces of old. Like yesterday he, his brother and I went to see a marvel movie marathon. He CONSTANTLY told me how much he hates the new diet because he could not just go buy candy. How much he hates having to look for tea... Even worse is when he complains about not having a female. Yet when we go out to the bar he practically hovers around me. Only leaving my side to get beer and to go to the bathroom. Which will change soon as well. Since he cannot drink beer. All he freaking does is complain.

    Worst off compared to me he is a failure in every aspect of life. He has a master's degree, I have a bachelor's degree, and I make two.. probably three times as much as he does. He whines about that, but spends money like it is going out of style. He whines about how he needs to gain weight, but when I give him a weight gain fitness plan he winces and says he will ease into it.. meaning he is not going to do it. Hell the only reason he got into fitness was because he saw my success and though, Hey he is as lazy as me this should be easy. With the new diet we are on day three and he has already fucked up TWICE!!!! I mean seriously day three and twice... how do you do that? Then he yells at me because I am doing just fine. Hell even with females I have done better. He may have gone on more dates than me but I have had more success maintaining a female for longer. Even if it was just one. The only one that stuck around for him was a single mom who worked him into her sex friend schedule. That did not last for long because he thought they were more or something.

    Yet being around this loser makes me depressed. I mean even when I was seeing him maybe once or twice a month. Being around him causes me anxiety and stress. It feels like I have to be a failure right along with him. He makes any small amount of success that I have seem like a crime. Worst of all I believe him. What the fuck is wrong with me. Why do I keep someone like him around? I mean I try my best to get out of this. Yet I keep people like him and my former roommate around. People who have no drive but to hope something good happens and then blame me if something goes wrong.

    This is why I want a restart.. this is why I want to move away and only talk to them on IM occasionally. This is why I am glad I have a work from home job where I can live wherever I want. Because I know my current roommate would follow me into a house if I move into one in state. I hate how much he makes me depressed... I seriously have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. I mean by any measure I should be a narcissist by now. I succeed where he fails, I am over all better than him. Why the fuck am I fucked up like this? Why is it that being around him I am regretting not renting a garage so I have easy access to killing myself? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?
  2. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    Hmm i'm not sure i can be of much help here but, i thought i'd still reply to ya. I think it's pretty easy to let people get into your head with making u feel guilty about sth even though u havnt done anything wrong. I'd say it prolly takes like 'practise' of numbing urself out (though tht's prolly not a very good thing if tht becomes a habit) so u wudnt feel unnecessary negative feelings. Well, that's what's worked for me so far (though not considering only the 'unnecessary' part, just overall, though i kno tht's not good, but i kno i'd get overwhelmed if i'd let all the words i get told get to me, for example things like i'm not going to get into a university anyway cuz my grades aren't that good and such, which do hav truth in them but they're assumptions). Aaaanyway, if that 'friend?' of urs is tryin to vent on u just of convenience, well, it's obviously not ur fault, it's just him trying to manage his unsuccessfulness or so, which in a way is a natural way for it, though tht doesnt justify it. Maybe he feels if he didnt vent it out on ya, he'd keel over for good. Just my assuption though since i dont kno him. Try rethinking if he says sth mean to u, rationalize it, it's tolly okay for u to be successful, there's no way tht's a bad thing (well unless u're stepping on people for that, but tht doesnt seem to be the case here).

    Well tht's not a very thorough reply here but, hope it helped a little, and best of luck with managing the situation, since it can indeed be very stressful. And i think there's nothin wrong with u in the sense u've described, i think it's pretty normal of u to feel this way.

    Hang in there,
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @truthhurts: Well one detail that I left out about him is he LOVES to talk.. I mean unless I actively ignore him by putting headphones on. He cannot let there be silence with another person in the room for two seconds. I am not even joking about that. He literally will not shut up as long as he thinks I can hear him. I have walked into the bathroom and he will carry on his bit as if I never left the room.
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