So I am sitting around this morning, tired from last night. Then I find myself angry for some reason. So I start to babble to myself. When I realize I am yelling at my roommate who his asleep at the time. I now realize that this friend Is the most toxic thing in my life. Literally he is the most toxic thing in my life. When I was living alone, and away from him. Doing my own thing I was just fine. However, now that I am here.. well lets just say my other cause of depression, lack of a sex life, is amplified 10000 times. I mean literally 10000 times. In the past I lived with this guy, but I had a female. Of whom I could have sex with, and then vent all my troubles too. Now I just have my blogs and these forums... no offense but they are not enough to help. I have two really big problems with this guy. My first problem is that he complains... about.. I would say 90% of the time. If he is not talking about anime or comics, and he complains about those too. He is complaining about things. He finds anything and everything to complain about. He complains about how he has a master's degree yet is selling luggage. Of course he no longer practices his instrument. How is he supposed to compete with people who only practice in their spare time? He complains about how pathetic he looks without a shirt on. Yet he works out everyday for a week then quits for two weeks. Claiming he is too tired. He rants about how lazy he is with the diet. You know because he cannot cook and cooking requires thought and effort, and he is lazy. It is even worse now that I am on a stricter diet and he wanted to come along for the ride. The only reason he is trying this new diet is because I can be his reference manual. Even then he is very liberal about things. Then all he does is complain about how much work the diet is and how much he misses the convinces of old. Like yesterday he, his brother and I went to see a marvel movie marathon. He CONSTANTLY told me how much he hates the new diet because he could not just go buy candy. How much he hates having to look for tea... Even worse is when he complains about not having a female. Yet when we go out to the bar he practically hovers around me. Only leaving my side to get beer and to go to the bathroom. Which will change soon as well. Since he cannot drink beer. All he freaking does is complain. Worst off compared to me he is a failure in every aspect of life. He has a master's degree, I have a bachelor's degree, and I make two.. probably three times as much as he does. He whines about that, but spends money like it is going out of style. He whines about how he needs to gain weight, but when I give him a weight gain fitness plan he winces and says he will ease into it.. meaning he is not going to do it. Hell the only reason he got into fitness was because he saw my success and though, Hey he is as lazy as me this should be easy. With the new diet we are on day three and he has already fucked up TWICE!!!! I mean seriously day three and twice... how do you do that? Then he yells at me because I am doing just fine. Hell even with females I have done better. He may have gone on more dates than me but I have had more success maintaining a female for longer. Even if it was just one. The only one that stuck around for him was a single mom who worked him into her sex friend schedule. That did not last for long because he thought they were more or something. Yet being around this loser makes me depressed. I mean even when I was seeing him maybe once or twice a month. Being around him causes me anxiety and stress. It feels like I have to be a failure right along with him. He makes any small amount of success that I have seem like a crime. Worst of all I believe him. What the fuck is wrong with me. Why do I keep someone like him around? I mean I try my best to get out of this. Yet I keep people like him and my former roommate around. People who have no drive but to hope something good happens and then blame me if something goes wrong. This is why I want a restart.. this is why I want to move away and only talk to them on IM occasionally. This is why I am glad I have a work from home job where I can live wherever I want. Because I know my current roommate would follow me into a house if I move into one in state. I hate how much he makes me depressed... I seriously have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. I mean by any measure I should be a narcissist by now. I succeed where he fails, I am over all better than him. Why the fuck am I fucked up like this? Why is it that being around him I am regretting not renting a garage so I have easy access to killing myself? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?